Family Members Under One Light

I can still remember during my elementary days that we always experience brown outs. I think during that time in Kidapawan we have a short supply of electricity. There are times when I got home and we don’t have electricity or there are times the electricity suddenly cuts out while we were eating or when I am about to study my lessons for the exams the next day the lights suddenly turns off because there were no electricity supply. Then me and my brothers and sister would play hide and seek and try to scare each other out of our wits. My most favorite moment perhaps is when we are about to watch TV and it’s raining and suddenly there’s a brown out. It’s my favorite because every member of the family were there and we end up talking and telling stories together illuminated by a candle until we were tired or the candle burned out and will decide to go back to sleep. Those times were the some of the best times of my life.

Now that electricity seems to be abundant in Kidapawan, we tend to see each other less. My parents would spend most of the nights taking care of our resto-bar, my brother Myking and his wife Rachel take care of the 24-hr convenient store. I am here working in Manila, miles away from them. My sister Labing is in Davao attending college. Only my little brothers (Epoy and Spike) get to spend much time with each other. They are very close with each other. As much as I’d like to thank electricity for man’s advancement (we are now not short of light during the night), I couldn’t help myself of reminiscing the good old days when we were spending the night together with just a candle light.

Imagine, before if we have no electricity I only used a candle to study. Now since electricity seems to be abundant we were no longer use candles for lighting. There are different kinds of lamps available almost everywhere. You could get lamp shades, reading lamps, desk lamps, etc. You could even easily find affordable lamps over the internet like Farreys.com wherein almost all kinds of lamps and lightings you could find there. There is a wide range of choices. Unlike before, we don’t have any other choice but to use candles and gas powered lamps. Don’t you miss those times? How about you guys who grew up here in Manila, have you ever got to experience those moments like I did? I really think that I am lucky enough to experience those moments. Those moments make me think of how important it is to spend time with your family. Even though you don’t do anything special but by just being there is already enough to make your day or night. I really missed those moments.

Well, now that I am far and quite busy working away from my family, I treasure them more. We even get much closer because I tried to communicate with them as often as I can. Thanks to mobile phones and prepaid SIMs, calling and talking with your family is affordable now as compared to long distance calls. Guys make sure that you spend more time with your family. They are your treasure. Like God, even if everyone will turn their backs on you, you can be assured that family will always be there no matter what.

My Presentation Went Very Well

Yesterday, I had a technical presentation from the 3 different departments here in BIR. I did a technical briefing and testing of the program. Before I started my boss gave the introduction and small information on what the system is all about. There are three parts of my presentation: the introduction; the technical briefing and testing of program; and the last part is the question and answer portion. If I may assess, overall the presentation went very well. There were a lot of questions and clarifications but most of the issues they raised are not part of my presentation and I no longer have the burden in solving some of those issues. Some are internal issues of their respective departments so I am not part of it already and since they asked for my opinion on some of those issues, I shared my thoughts.

After the presentation, I instructed them to try and check the program themselves using the generic username and password so that they will have the “feel” of how to use the system. If they see any errors or if they have suggestions then they could always tell me so that I could make some changes of the program.

I am very much happy of the result of my presentation because I am very excited to do it. To be able to discuss to them what I’ve created makes me forget all the hardships and all what I’ve been through just to be able to learn the programming language and finish the program.

Thank you God for helping me and giving me strength when I am about to give up and thanks for the people you send to help me with my job. I owe it all to You.

Next Destination: Amsterdam

If given the chance I would like to visit Amsterdam. I am quite intrigue what’s the city is like. I always here artists love to perform in Amsterdam so I’d like to see for myself the reason why people go there.

I looked up the internet some information about the largest city in the Netherlands. Amsterdam is known for its canal system. I’d like to ride a boat and roam all over the city through its canal. I can imagine myself in a boat ride in these canals with my love one while listening to a sweet melody. How romantic.

I learned that Amsterdam is the central business district of the Netherlands so this is a very rich city. Not to mention that the city’s stock exchange is part of the world’s oldest stock exchange – the Euronext. I think I am going to enjoy the city if I am going to visit it. It has a very rich culture. And if you are into music, poetry, and plays this city is a must visit for you. Imagine in this city you’ll find the famous work of Rembrandt displayed at the Rijksmuseum. You could also found a museaun there that is dedicated for Van Gogh’s work (Van Gogh stayed at Amsterdam for a while) and in fact it houses the biggest collections of his work. Perhaps, the place that I would really love to visit there is the famous Anne Frank House which you could see stuff dedicated for her and her story. I’d really like to visit Amsterdam someday.


A place to stay or Amsterdam accomodation is not hard to look for too. In fact, from my research, cheap hotels are just a click of your mouse away. There are lots of discount hotels that gives you the best hotel deals. Well, we can say that if hotels in Amsterdam is out of the budget then a place to stay and much cheaper is not a problem for Amsterdam lodging is abundant in the city. Thanks to the internet.


It’s also not hard to roam arround the city because it is a bicycle-friendly place and you could even rent one. The government also discourages the use of vehicles so it is really safe to use bikes and you won’t fear of accidents that much caused by cars or the like. So without worrying too much about it you could enjoy better your visit to the place. Trip to Amsterdam would also be a great bonding idea for the entire family.

Light My World

Aside from being an engineer, a programmer and an indie comic artist, I also work in 2D animation and some of the projects that I am part of are “I Got A Rocket,” “Land Before Time,” and “Fantastic Four.” One thing that is most important for us artists is light. Yes, the light. Without it, it would be hard, if not impossible, for us to draw. There are two basic lights that we use that without it we’re in big trouble. The first is the light under the table or the table lamp or what is commonly known is the light box. The second is the overhead lamp, the kid of lamps that you use when you are studying or lamps that you use on your bed side table or much commonly known as desk lamps. These two types or lighting or lamps are very important to us artists.

There are times that you have a lot of pages of drawings to create and you must go home to bath or eat, or whatever important reason why you must go home, you bring your drawings at home. Below this paragraph is a photo of mine, showing how I draw at home. Yes, I am having a very difficult time finishing all the drawings and not to mention that I must produced the best quality of drawing or else my drawing will all be rejected. Consequently, all my effort will end just for naught. The area where I draw is a big issue, though it would be great if I can have a drawing table of my own. But my problem is with the lighting. You see I am using two colors of light - the orange and the white colored lights. It sores my eyes and stressed my eyes so much that I am usually having migraines in between and after work. The result is that I won’t be able to work the next day.

There are actually a lot of lamps or lighting available on the store but it’s hard for me to look for the best quality at an affordable price that fits a small time artist like me. So I log online and search the web for advice on what light works best for me. I came across Farreys.com page on the net offers a wide range of type of lamps and lightings of almost all brands at a very affordable prices. You could simply pick and choose what you want. If that’s not enough there was a search bar there where you could type what kind of lamps you are looking for. Yes, very convenient indeed. It helps me a lot in finding the suitable lighting for me. The next time I might need a lamp or lighting like lamp shades perhaps, I will just visit Farreys.com for advice and inspiration on what to choose.

Calling Home From Abroad

Aunt Even is currently in the US now and she spends a lot in calling us here in the Philippines. Being alone in the land of milk and honey, she gets lonely at times so she calls us here to somehow ease the loneliness she’s feeling. On one occasion when she called me we discuss how much she spends in a single call and I was shocked on how much it actually costs and she’s having a hard time looking for a phone card that fits her budget.. I told my aunt that I am going to search the internet to help her find a much cheap phone card to call us here from the US.

While surfing the internet, I came across Pingo. For those who haven’t heard about Pingo, it is a global brand of virtual calling cards at a very low and affordable cost. If you visit their site (www.pingo.com) and sign up you will receive $5 worth of free calls. Pingo assures you that there will be no hidden fees. They also offer special phone card blog discount coupon: “ppp3” valid for $3 off Pingo. Isn’t it great? I think this is really a big help for our relatives who are calling us here from abroad.

There’s more! Aside from what I mentioned earlier, Pingo offers Business and Family plan, Rate Watcher, Pingo Mobiles (which helps you save as much as to 90% on your international phone calls), calling card affiliate program, and Pingo’s network is said to be reliable which delivers over 1.1 billion international cards in just one month. If that’s how many cards they deliver, it simply means that many people trust Pingo and they are enjoying the benefits they get from both of their international calling cards and prepaid calling cards.

I am definitely telling my aunt regarding this discovery I make. By using Pingo she will be able to call us more often because it will definitely be in her budget. The more she’s going to save, the more calls she’s going to make. She won’t be that much lonely out there and we won’t miss a single adventure she made in her stay in the US.



Disclosure: This post is made possible by Pingo.

Away From Home in Christmas?

Christmas is just around the corner and I am not yet sure if I am able to go home during the holidays. Not to mention the other upcoming events like Halloween and other celebrations. You see I am now assigned in BIR and they have work in between Christmas and New Year Celebration. I really want to go home but my schedule does not permit me. I do have the same situation when I used to work at the call center before. But I went home to the province (Kidapawan) a day before Christmas Day and went back here in Manila two days after the Christmas Day celebration. As much as I’d like to stay longer, I can’t. There’s work waiting for me in Manila. I miss a lot of birthdays and celebrations. That’s the price I always pay for working away from my family to give them a better future in return. How I wish I could go home during the holidays.

Unlike the Call Center, I could go home if I want to but the problem is I don’t have leaves. If I decide to go back, BIR won’t pay for the days that I am going to spend in Kidapawan. Yes, I am not a regular employee in BIR so I don’t have the same privilege and benefits like the regular employees are enjoying. This means that no work, no pay. Sigh.

I am now thinking if I should go home or just buy my parents, brothers, and sister gifts. I would be able to save more if I would just buy them gifts. I know it would be much better that I am there during these celebrations but if I can’t help it, giving them gifts would somehow suffice for my absence.

What do you think the best gifts I could give my family this year? Hmmm. Maybe I’ll buy my mom shoes for she likes shoes (I can check ShoeMall for the type of shoes my mom would like to have) or perhaps I’ll check Fashion Bug for they always have the latest on fashion. My dad, on the other hand, likes car accessories and basic needs of a man on the go. Perhaps I could check Buy.com for some ideas. As for my brothers, Myking and Epoy love computers while Spike loves mobile games. Since there’s only one PC in the provice I could check HP and Fujitsu and try to decide which of the two brands that might fit my budget. Aside from the mobile games that Spike loves, I could buy him costume instead for the Halloween. As for my sister Labing, she loves music and mobile phone accessories. I could buy her favorite CD. That would be the best gift for her or I could always check eBags for ideas. If that’s not enough then I could always visit couponchief.com for more and great ideas, for they are a one stop coupon deal and discount store for those who loves to shop over the web. Coupon Chief, Inc has a lot of discounts and promotional deals in store for us. Well, I hope I still have time to save money in order for me to buy them gifts.

How about you guys? What do you think is the best give you could give your love ones this upcoming seasons?

Trip Down Under

The last time my mom went to Australia, I should have accompanied her but my work, that time, makes it impossible for me to join her on her trip to Australia. After she came back from her trip to Australia she gave me a lot of information about the country and her experiences during her stay there.

I’ve heard a lot about Australia. Aside from the fact that Australia is the smallest continent, you could find the “The Great Barrier Reef” – the world’s largest coral reef! You could also find the world’s largest monolith in Australia, Mount Augustus. I am also envious of my mom’s photos from her trip to the Land Down Under. She had photos of kangaroos and koalas. She sure had the best time during her stay there.

There are 3 cities that she mentioned worth visiting. Namely Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane. Sydney, as my mom told me, has so many people. It is in fact the most populous city in Australia. So you could expect that it is fun to stroll around the city. She also had a photo of her with the famous Sydney Opera House on the background. You cold also find here the oldest university in Australia, the University of Sydney. It is also not hard to find the best place to stay in Sydney. In fact aside from Sydney hotels, there are ranges of different types of place to stay like apartments, condos, and the like. You could even book yourself online. Knowing that we Filipinos like extras, freebies, and free meals, booking online gives you more of these and their prices (accommodation) are even much lower as you book yourself on a hotel directly.

Melbourne, on the other hand, is Australia’s cultural and sporting capital. If you like flowers then Melbourne is the place for you. You could find a lot of parks and gardens in this part of Australia. You could also find here Australia’s largest university – Monash University. Where to stay in Melbourne is not hard to find and in fact if you are in a budget, booking online gives you a wide range of choices, from apartments to 5 star Melbourne hotels. And it is not hard to travel around the city because of its wide network of buses, trams, taxis and trains.

Last city not to forget to visit in Australia is Brisbane, the third largest city in Australia! This city is for people who love arts and music. In fact, it is one of the best music hotspots in the world. Brisbane hotels are not really hard to look for. You could find the cheapest price of accommodation online. You could also find in Melbourne the famous “The Windmill” which is the oldest building in Queensland. This building is originally intended for grinding grains and punishment for convicts that operated the windmill manually.

If you are planning to go to Australia, try to visit these cities and I’m sure you’ll have the time of your life while exploring these areas like my mom did during her visit.

Everything Online Even Tutoring

When I was little and it is exam week, my parents try to help me with studying so I could understand my lessons well and get good grades. However, as I grow old, my parents have to work triple times in order to cope up with our financial needs. Consequently, after work, they get too tired already and won’t be able to assist me with reviewing my lessons. I had to do the studying myself to get good grades. I understand my parents so I had to study triple times too to make my parents proud of me when I get high grades.

In my time, there is no available computer yet. My parents can’t afford to buy one. We were very poor when I was little. That’s why I try harder even more with my studies. I graduated college without my own computer and I had to go to my classmates’ houses just to use their computers. In fact, almost all my classmates’ parents know me because of that.

Nowadays, students, young and young at heart alike, are very lucky as computers are much cheaper and you could almost see internet café’s in every corner. You could easily research more about your lessons over the internet. You could even study in advance in the internet as it offers a wide range of information readily for you. Information is just a click away.

There is a website that offers online tutoring and that is called TutorVista.com. Had I known or if it’s available during my time, I would have subscribed to this. Why? Simply because the tutors that will assist you undergone a rigorous training to be a certified TutorVista tutor and these tutors are available 24X7! And you could get unlimited monthly tutoring package for only $99.9 a month. Great news!

TutorVista, the leading online tutorial in the world offers a wide range of subjects to choose from. Imagine learning in advance or studying your lessons is jus a click away whenever you need it. I can still recall when I was in sixth grade, I had a trouble coping up with my algebra class. If TutorVista is available to help me with algebra I would have better grades. Luckily when I’m in high school I get better grades in math, I am actually good with math now as compared to my elementary days. You could even get homework help with TutorVista. I believe that TutorVista really is a big help to all students either to become a better student or those who want to have a supplementary education to be the best student in his/her class.

Here in the Philippines, Call Center industry is booming. If you want to be the best there is and land a job immediately, you must learn English well. Well, you could learn English with TutorVista.

Facts of Life

Life might be so sad for some sometimes.
But sadness makes us know who we really are.
Life might be hard for some sometines.
But hardness makes us strong when we overcome it.
Life might be fearsome for some sometimes.
But fear makes us courageous after we're able to face it.
Life might be very confusing for some sometimes.
But confusion will help us see the light much clearly.
Life is not only about you and me.
But it is all about all of us and everything.
Life is truly a blessing from God.
But we must do our own little part of it.
Life is beautiful.
But we must experience ugliness to see the beauty in it.

P.S. This poem is actually part of an entry in my other (older) blog. I just would like to share it this one to you here.

Program Test

Finally the data entry program that I created in oracle will be put to test by the users and the quality assurance division. It's been quite a while already before I finally finished the program. It took me a while because I need to verify and validate a lot of things first before a certain data in a certain field is allowed to be entered. I am very excited and very nervous because this is my baby in the company that I am currently part of.

One thing more is that it took me a lot before I am able to get this opportunity because there were a lot of programmers who would want to be in my position now. Luckily for me, they were rejected by the company so I got the liberty in having my current position as a Wed Developer and Programmer.

You see, I have been working for about more than 3 years now since I graduated college and this position has been the most challenging by far. In fact, there is almost no one I could turn to in case I don't know certain commands or issues in the program. I don't even have an internet connection in the office wherein I could use in my research. If not for my two officemates of different positions, I wouldn't be able to finish my program. So thank to you two (you know who you are).

I am currently enjoying the challenges that my work is offering me and there are times that I thought i couldn't make it but because of God's guidance and enlightenment I am able to go on. Without God, I wouldn't have make it. Even though, that my program is on the test stage and not yet approved for production, I am already happy and content with it. Should there be any problems with my program, I am sure I will be anle to fix it. I am hoping that it will pass the test and be approved for production.

Into the Bahamas!

Whenever I see a foreign film and whenever they talk about vacation, I hear Bahamas almost always. They are always looking forward to visit the place and rave so much on how they could relax and have a perfect vacation. I myself got curious as to why and I wish someday I could visit Bahamas too.

This curiosity leads me in searching the net for more information about Bahamas. According to my research that it has the clearest water in the world. Hmm this is really something to look forward to. Not to mention that it has the third longest barrier reef in the world and the entire island is made up of calcium carbonade. Wow! I have to go there to know what calcium carbonade looks like. What makes Bahamas famous is not only about the beach but the rich culture of diverse people inhabiting the island and the different resorts and events you could see there. If you are also a beach person like me then this place is a must visit for us. I can now imagine myself strolling about the beaches and swimming into its clear water, then partying with different people from different places and cultures.

Speaking of going to the Bahamas, have you heard of the Flamingo Bay Yacht Club and Marina? Well, they offer one of the best package for us to stay in the Bahamas for 3 days and 2 nights. What’s good about the place is that it is just 5 minute away from the beach! And when you want a vacation that still feels like home, this is the place to stay. Well, they almost have what you need and more. Plus, you can book online and inquire for the best price that fits your budget. Oh how I wish I could be there now. This could be the perfect vacation for me. Now, I must go back to work and save. Who knows, I might be able to save fast and be able to visit the Bahamas in no time.

Next Destination: Spain

I’ve already told you from my previous entries that my mom and my aunt love to travel. They’ve been to a lot of other countries already but they haven’t been to Spain yet. My mom and aunt wanted to travel there in the future but they need to save some more to prepare for their trip considering that my mom recently been to Canada while my aunt recently spend a wonderful trip with his beau in the US.

Among the things that need to consider is the hotel they wanted to stay in. Well that won’t be much of a problem anymore because they can find the best and cheapest deals there is over the internet.

The best two places that they want to stay when they are in Spain are Madrid and Barcelona. Madrid, the capital of Spain, is one of the top European destination. It is home to Prado Museum – where you could find one of the world’s finest collections of European art from the 12th century to the early 19th century. You could learn a lot from visiting the museum. You could also find the Thyssen Bornemisza Museaun and the Reina Sofia Museum (where the painting Guernica by Pablo Picasso can be found). Madrid also has a rich nightlife for people who are into that lifestyle.

Barcelona, on the other hand, is the second largest city in Spain. My aunt Even wanted to go there because she told me that Barcelona offers a lot of venues for people who loves music and theatre. It is home of the Gran Teatre del Liceu opera theatre! She also told me that you could find very old and very beautiful buildings in Barcelona. Well if I will go to Barcelona I would definitely visit the Barcelona Cathedral, Sagrada Familia, Torre Agbar, and other great architectural sites I could find there.

Here are some very useful links that migth be useful (they have the last minute and all year round accomodations at hotels, hostels and even apartments at a cheaper deals) if you want to look for a place to stay when you are in Spain: Hotels in Madrid, Hotels in Barcelona, and Hoteles en Barcelona.

Where's My Car?

When we have company visitors we use our company vehicle to fetch them from the airport to where ever they needed to be for a meeting or some other occasions that they have to attend. Of course we want our visitors’ safety and of course our own. And not to forget about the car, we must have it's own protection too. We make sure that we are ready in case something unexpected happens. That’s why most of us are looking for the best insurance available in the market to give us that one feeling of assurance.

The problem is, there are a lot of insurance companies everywhere and it’s hard to choose what company to pick. And which among them gives you the best deals, is something that is not really easy to know. Well there’s one page in the internet about car insurance that you might want to look at or even consider. It is called ”Advantage Auto Quotes” and you can check its link here: http://www.advantageautoquotes.com/

According to ”Advantage Auto Quotes” that they are selling all types of car insurance. This includes liability insurance, commercial policies, student policies (Teen Driver Auto Policy), bad record (Poor Driver Insurance Rates), and good record. They also say that they offer the best rates and the cheapest and the most affordable auto insurance policies anywhere for all types of drivers including teenage drivers. And if you have an excellent driving record with no accidents or points, you will qualify for the lowest and most affordable plans. There’s more, they can quote you right in front of your eyes via the internet. Worth a click, right? So check it out now. Who knows, ”Advantage Auto Quotes” is the one you are looking for.

Thank You

You'll never be mine no matter what
That's why I'm giving my all while you're still here
Your hugs won't last a lifetime
It's just a borrowed moment
But you warmth embraces me for a lifetime

You hurt me but I still hold on
Because only you makes me happy
Only you brings out the best and worst of me
When I am with you that's when I am most me
I can be me when you're with me

You don't have to choose
I will let you go when it's time for you to fly
Don't ever look back because I might change my mind
Holding you back will only hurt us both in the end
Spending a moment with you is worth it all

Operation Trim Down (1st Month Result)

Below is the result I got from that measuring instrument you find at Mercury Drug:

Weight: 188 lb 5 oz
Height: 5 ft 9.7 in / 177cm
Blood Pressure:
Max Systolic 117 mmHg
Max Diastolic 77 mmHg
Pulse/minute 96
Body Fat Estimation:
Fat Index 22.1%
Fat Mass 41 lb 6 oz / 18.8 kg
Free F. Mass 146lb 14 oz / 66.7 kg
Age and Gender: 27 male

Here is the link to the measurements I got before I headed the gym. Click me.

After one month, it seems that there's no significant change in me. Sigh. I enjoyed it though. I will show a picture of me before and after the "Operation Trim Down" soon so that you could decide if there is some change or not at all.

I would like to go on a diet. Do you have any suggestions?

Vector Art : Pic

My third vector art. This is the black background version:

This is the white background version:

This is the original photo:

Free

No longer with my girlfriend
She broke my heart and it’s hard to glue it back
Bite back and hurt her all the more
Now she’s shattered, reduced to dust
“Can you give me another chance?”
She picks one piece of my broken heart
It won’t fit, not by her hands
No matter what

Days went by I look at the sky
Want her back but my heart is torn
Hard as stone and heavy as the earth
Hard to move on, keep thinking back
“How is she? What have become of me?”
Now I am free yet life like’s a burden
Pieces of me scattered elsewhere
Started to pick it up

Nights are sad yet stars shine even brighter
Dancing in the sky glowing like her eyes
A stranger in the mirror masked with madness
In pain my tears start to flow
“What if…”
Now she moved on spreading her wings
To the horizon into the cloudless sky
She’s beautiful

Now I look at my palms
Carrying the pieces of my broken heart
I close my eyes and breathe
Thinking what might have been
What might have become
“I’m sorry too, I forgive you.”
My heart starts to piece its parts together
Slowly a smile starts to form
Now I am finally free, free to love and be loved

Guilt a Skelon in my Closet

Now I finally had the courage to tell everyone about my guilt in losing my Lolo. When my parents got married, they were just trying to build their own little home and they don’t have much. So my parents lived with my grandparents (mother’s side) and decided to move out if they are able to have their own house coming from their own efforts. Since I was the first grandchild on my mother’s side, I was given all the love and attention (wala kase akong kaagaw). To be able to build that dream house, both my parents have to work hard and left me all day with my grandparents. You see, being with my grandparents most of the time makes me feel more attached to them. They were always there for me, every time. I love my grandparents so much.

After few years, I am more at home at my grandparents’ house than our own house. I look forward to every weekends because that’s the time that I got to sleep over and stay with them.

More years had passed and my grandmother died because of brain tumor, they my uncle Darwin (my mom’s older) followed by accident. My Lolo was so devastated with the lost because they both died only months apart. I saw how my Lolo tried to cope up with it. He emerged himself at work (he’s is by the way one of the most famous “mekanino” in our province, having OJT’s from respected universities and schools) and drinks a lot. He changed his attitude and somehow my once sweet Lolo lost part of his soul with them. He got easily irritated sometimes. There was this one instance that my little brother Michael and I were arguing about a certain thing and because we were too loud my Lolo got mad and shouted at us and tried to unfasten his belt. We were so afraid of him that time and that was the very first time I saw him like that. My brother and I were so frightened that we were able to leap the high sofa that was blocking our way. Then we ran as far as we can away from him. My Lolo even wanted to get married but my mom and her siblings don’t want him to. I guess he became so lonely and no one of us understood. He was so alone even when we are always there for him. I can often see him stare into nothingness while smoking (he doesn’t used to smoke before), maybe thinking of my Lola and how they shared their lives together. I wish I hugged him before when I saw him like that to make him feel that I am there for him. But I didn’t, I shied away thinking that it would me less manly. I was wrong. I know I am because I’m thinking now that I should have done it. Years passed and it seemed that my Lolo was able to cope up.

One morning, I hear a commotion so I stood up and got out from the room to know what it is all about. My Tita Even (my mom’s little sister) called informing them that my Lolo had a stroke. We rushed to the hospital where he was confined. Then my Tita Even told us what happened. She told us that she heard a bang from my Lolo’s room so she ran towards it hurriedly and then he found Lolo on the floor bath in his own **** apparently trying to get up to go to the toilet when he suddenly had a stroke.

“Pa, naunsa ka man dra (Pa, what are you doing there)?” my aunt asked Lolo while trying to help him stand up.

“Ambot gani, natumba lang ko og dli ka lihok (I don’t know, I just fell down and can’t move),” my Lolo told her in tears barely audible and stuttering.

“Pa! Teng! Tabang! Si Papang!” my aunt crying as she calls for help. Luckily her friend Teng was there to assist her.

Then she called mom and rushed Lolo to the hospital.

That was the summer of 1999 and since I don’t have school I am the one who is tasked to look after Lolo. After few days I got tired. I was young and arrogant so when Lolo ask for something I just do whatever he says hurriedly without much care. There were times when my Lolo begged me to help him to the toilet so he could release his bowel but since he was so heavy for me and with all the catheter and tubes inserted in him, it was really hard work for me. So there were times I refused to help him and give him a bedpan instead. But he doesn’t want to do it in a bedpan because his back got so painful every time he used it. But I insist. Being weak he can’t do anything but do it there. There is one instance that he fell from his bed because he’s trying to go to the toilet by himself. So I got angry because he didn’t ask for assistance. But when I looked into his teary eyes I felt ashamed of myself for behaving so bad. I felt guilty and try to do better. But from that moment on he was looking for my little brother Michael whom he knows who would care for him better than I do. Guilt was building inside me that I want to go away. If only I could. I am so ashamed of what I am behaving during that time.

Then an opportunity came knocking at my face. My dad’s brother wanted me to go with him and assist him in leading a group (including my cousins) in climbing Mt. Apo. I was so ecstatic and agreed immediately without second thoughts. This is it, my one chance to get away from all of these. So I left my Lolo with my aunt who will now file a leave to help my Lolo and take care of him.

Summer’s gone and it’s back to school. We had a school project and I would be needing my Lolo’s knowledge because it’s all mechanical and my Lolo’s an expert on that field. Beaming with pride I told my group mates that my Lolo’s going to provide us things we need with our project and he’s going to assist us building it. So me and my classmates from Davao decided to go back to my hometown in Kidapawan to visit my Lolo.

When we arrived at my Lolo’s house my aunt told us that my Lolo was not there because he decided to pay a visit to all his brothers and sisters. I was dismayed but it was ok because we can always get some of my Lolo’s stuffs for our project. Then the next day we went back to Davao.

Monday morning I got a call from my mom.

“Butch, wala na si Papa (Butch, Papa is gone),” mom told me while crying.

“Unsa (What)?” her words don’t seem to register into my mind. I felt like everything has stopped moving.

“Patay na si Papa, huhuhu,” she cried.

Then I cried and all I can hear is my constant sobbing and my mom’s telling me that it’s ok no because finally my Lolo could finally rest and meet my Lola and Kuya Darwin in heaven.

We were going to have an exam in Communications I regarding fiber optics later that day so I asked my professor permission if I could take it earlier because I’m going home because my Lolo passed away. He refused and told me that he didn’t go home when his father or mother died either. I was so mad at him and told myself that’s why he ends up so bitter because he doesn’t know how to give love. I had no choice but to wait for the exam schedule and take the exam or I’ll lose my DOST scholarship.

When I finally was able to go home, from the terminal up to my Lolo’s house I was crying. I felt so sad and guilt starts building up because I had the chance to repay all his goodness but I didn’t take that chance and wasted it all the way. There’s no way I can tell him how I love him and how I care for him now. It’s too late.

Years passed and yet I still feel guilty of not able to help and take care of him when I am most needed. Most nights I would dream of him asking me to come with him or just saw him in my dream. Some dreams my Lola and Kuya Darwin were even there. I dreamed of him always that sometimes I felt scared to go to sleep. I would always end up crying and asking for forgiveness. If only I could go back in time and undo what took place I would but I know I can’t. I’ve been carrying my guilt all these times until I decided to confide to a friend about it. A friend told me that I must learn to forgive myself because that was I mistake that I can’t undo and I was still young that time. She told me that she is sure that my Lolo loves me and he already had forgiven me. That’s why he was always visiting me in my dreams to tell me that it’s ok. That I was forgiven and can finally be free and enjoy my life. That I should not carry the chip on my shoulder forever and free my heart from the burden of guilt.

Then one day I decided to forgive myself and promise to become a better person. That in case one day, my parents would be needing me, I will always be there for them. So I decided to take Caregiving course. My parents don’t want any of us (children) take caregiving because they don’t want us be doing that kind of work. They told us that they are working their asses off to make sure that we will be having a better future. I didn’t tell them and I took the course anyway. After all, it would be for them when the time comes.

The night before the graduation (2007), I had a dream. It was a very terrible dream about people I love the most. It was so horrible that I was crying in my sleep and struggling as to who to go first or what to do first. I was a very terrifying dream. I finally able to woke my self up and went directly to the bathroom and called my mom. I was crying still and asked mom to listen to me first. I told her everything. About my dreams and about taking caregiving course. About the guilt I am carrying and my fear for the people I love. Then after I finished talking she told me that I should not felt guilty in the first place because if anyone would be guilty it would be her. She told me that from Lola up to my Lolo she was not able to be there always because she can’t do the things I’ve done, she doesn’t have the stomach to do it. She would pay for all the fees but she could only visit and check. My mom told me that she was proud of me. She told me that she was sure that I was forgiven. That my Lolo can’t finally rest in peace because he was worried about me. That my Lolo can’t go on with the afterlife because I’m holding him back. Now, I understand it all. Now I am finally free of guilt. My Lolo and I could finally move on. After that dream and talk with my mom, I felt relief and I even don’t have nightmares or dreams about my Lolo wanting me to come with him.

Imagine, I’ve been carrying all those guilt for about 8 years and it affected me so much. I am happier now and I know that my Lolo could finally have his rest in peace with his Creator in heaven.

Part Two (The 2nd Philippine Graphic/Fiction Awards)

It's time once again for the The 2nd Philippine Graphic/Fiction Awards by Fully Booked and Neil Gaiman. The categories with its prizes accordingly are as follows:

Comic Book Writing Contest

1st Prize – Php 100,000.00

2nd Prize – Php 30,000.00

3rd Prize – Php 15,000.00

Science Fiction/Fantasy/Horror Writing Contest

1st Prize – Php 100,000.00

2nd Prize – Php 30,000.00

3rd Prize – Php 15,000.00

The contest starts on September 1, 2007 and deadline of submission of entries is on October 31, 2007. We only have less than a month to go before the deadline so for those who are interrested better turn on your light bulbs to spark ideas into your brains now.

You can download your application forms here and the contest guidelines here.

Goodluck!

Mom in the City and some other stuff

My mom arrived last Sunday here in Manila to visit me. She stayed at Pan Pacific with her friend Ms. Aranas. It's been quite some time since we haven't seen each other and I miss her a lot already. My mom lose a lot of weight due to volleyball and very effective diet (I had to ask because I am struggling to lose some weight myself). We had dinner and I ate a lot (guilty) because I want to spend more time with her. I didn't bring extra clothes (how stupid of me) because I want to look perfect for her, so I had to go back to my pad after dinner. She brought a lot of lanzones for me and my friends so I had to bring about 15 kilos of lanzones all the way from Manila to Quezon City. I am very much kuripot so instead of riding a cab, I decided to commute. Bad idea. I know. I had to carry it all the way from the hotel to LRT1 then after arriving at Doroteo Jose station, carry it all again to LRT2. My sweat seemed not to stop on dripping like a leaked in the faucet. You don't have to imagine how I looked after I finally arrived at my pad. As a consolation for a hard work I ate a lot of lanzones. I ate a lot that I end up having LBM (yes, up to this very moment). My mom left at about 3pm kanina for her 5pm flight back to Mindanao.

I have no plans on going to work yesterday (also today) because I'm suffering from LBM but I had to because the presentation of my design on new data entry is due this coming Wednesday already and there are still so much to do. To make matters worse (aside from coming back and forth to the loo), before 4pm I accidentally deleted two of my programs. I can't retrieve it back because the database back-up is done every night after office hours. So all the programming I did for the entire day (yesterday) was just for naught because there is no way I can get it back. I had no choice but to start all over again from the back-up program I had last Friday. Asar.

Well, the good thing about having LBM though is that I am losing weight. I am actually losing some pounds. Yehey! My office mates notice so that (somehow) is a good thing. I think.

I think I have to go back to the loo again. Bye for now.