I Won't Give Up

I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz

Hmmmm ... Hmmmm ... Hmmmm ... Hmmm ...

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough, he knows (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

A day without you

A year without Rain by Selena Gomes and The Scene

Oooooh
Can you feel me when I think about you?
With every breath I take
Every minute, no matter what I do
My world is an empty place

Like I've been wondering the desert
For a thousand days
Don't know if it's a mirage
But I always see your face, baby

I'm missing you so much
Can't help it, I'm in love
A day without you is like a year without rain
I need you by my side
Don't know how I'll survive
A day without you is like a year without rain
Ooh, woooaaahh woaahh

The stars are burning
I hear your voice in my mind
Can't you hear me calling
My heart is yearning
Like the ocean that's running dry
Catch me I'm falling

It's like the ground is crumbling underneath my feet
(Won't you save me)
There's gonna be a monsoon
When you get back to me
Oh, baby

I'm missing you so much
Can't help it, I'm in love
A day without you is like a year without rain
I need you by my side
Don't know how I'll survive
A day without you is like a year without rain
Ooh, woooaaahh woaahh

So let this drought come to an end
And make this desert flower again
I'm so glad you found me
Stick around me
Baby, baby, baby, oh
It's a world of wonder with you in my life
So hurry, baby
Don't waste no more time
And I need you here
 can't explain
But day without you is like a year without rain
Ooh

I'm missing you so much
Can't help it, I'm in love
A day without you is like a year without rain
I need you by my side
Don't know how I'll survive
A day without you is like a year without rain
Ooh, woooaaahh woaahh

Is it over yet?

Cry by Kelly Clarkson Performed by Lea Michele (Glee)

If anyone asks,
I'll tell them we both just moved on
When people all stare
I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk
Whenever I see you,
I'll swallow my pride
and bite my tongue
Pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
Cry

If anyone asks,
I'll tell them we just grew apart
Yeah what do I care
If they believe me or not
Whenever I feel
Your memory is breaking my heart
I'll pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
Cry

I'm talking in circles
I'm lying, they know it
Why won't this just all go away

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
Cry
Cry

You Didn't Have To Cut Me Off

Somebody That I Used To Know by Goyte Performed by Glee Casts

now and then i think of when we were together
like when you said you felt so happy you could die
i told myself that you were right for me
but felt so lonely in your company
but that was love and it's an ache i still remember

you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
like resignation to the end
always the end
so when we found that we could not make sense
well you said that we would still be friends
but i'll admit that i was glad that it was over

but you didn't have to cut me off
make out like it never happened
and that we were nothing
and i don't even need your love
but you treat me like a stranger
and that feels so rough
no you didn't have to stoop so low
have your friends collect your records
and then change your number
i guess that i don't need that though
now you're just somebody that i used to know
now you're just somebody that i used to know
now you're just somebody that i used to know

now and then i think of all the times you screwed me over
but had me believing it was always something that i'd done
but i don't wanna live that way
reading into every word you say
you said that you could let it go
and i wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

but you didn't have to cut me off
make out like it never happened
and that we were nothing
and i don't even need your love
but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
no you didn't have to stoop so low
have your friends collect your records
and then change your number
i guess that i don't need that though
now you're just somebody that i used to know

somebody
i used to know
now you're just somebody that i used to know
somebody
i used to know
now you're just somebody that i used to know
i used to know
that i used to know
i used to know
somebody

Tears Still Flowing

It is so hot outside but not enough to keep my tears from flowing.

Heartless

The heart breaks into million pieces.
Then the million pieces are breaking again a million times more.
The pieces of once a heart settles like dust in the open air.
The wind can’t carry the sorrow the heart carries.
The tides too can’t wash the longing the heart bears.
The rising and setting of the sun will neither help nor the ever-changing seasons.
The heart knows all too well what has been never will be again.

Last Week

Dami ko na accomplished last week. Mga programming scripts at mga photos para sa ad campaign ng kaibigan ko na accessories designer. Naglaro din ako ng Plants vs Zombies, kaka-adik lang lol.

Heart broken pala ako, litong-lito na ako sa buhay ko love life ko . Ang hirap naman pala ng ganun. Masakit pala. Kaso hindi pa ako handa i-share ang lahat lahat. Iba pala pag puso na ang pinag-usapan.

Syempre sobra thankful ko sa mga taong tumulong sa akin lalo na sa photography at komiks. Masayang masaya ako. Kaya heto ako, ako naman ang tumutulong sa mga kaibigan ko na nais makapasok sa indutry. Sarap ng pakiramdam ng nakakatulong.

Sige dito na muna at magbabasa at magbibisita pa ako sa mga kaibigan ko na mga bloggers din.

It's Been Awhile

Ang tagal ko na pala hindi nagsulat sa blog ko. I mean yung regarding sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko hehehe. Pasensya na ha. Dami lang kase iniisp ko. Dami ko din mga resposibilidad na dapat gampanan.

Napansin ko na wala na pala gaano pumunta at bumibisita sa blog ko. Kakalungkot pero kase naman hindi na rin ako nakakapunta at bisita sa mga blog ng mga kaibigan ko. Pasensya na ha. Makakabawi din ako.

Heto ako ngayon, medyo masakit ang ulo pero kaya naman. Kulang lang sa pahinga pero magiging ok din ako.

Huwag niyo ako tuluyang kalimutan ha. Bibisitahin ko kayo ulit.

Just Passing By

I had a habit that if I like your latest blog entry I back-read. There’s one blog that I used to visit years before but lately was not able to due to some unforeseen reasons. My heart skipped a beat. I was completely shaken, utterly speechless, and absolutely flabbergasted upon reading the last entry. Tears ran unreservedly from my eyes as I back-read.

Nostalgia And Facebook

I didn't realize how much I miss one of the best chapter of me that is the "first year college" until old photos brings back the best memories of the past. Thanks to Facebook.

I Say To You

If it's not two way then it will not work.
If you're hurting more than you are happy then it will not work.
If the trust is lost then it will not work.
If you spend time together yet there's no communication then it will not work.
If you tried so hard and you're partner doesn't even bother then it will not work.
If only one reaches out and the other one doesn't care as much then it will not work.
If you no longer know your own self and so lost with your partner then it will not work.

Even if those things are true, as long as I felt the happiest when I'm with you, I do not care even if I know in the end it's me who's going to be hurt, big time.

Life Is Like A Pack Of Yucky Gum

When I was little we were really poor and my parents, specially my dad, have to work really hard to have food served in our table. We stayed in my grandparents’ house while my parents are saving a lot to buy our own. Though we were poor it never occurred to me that we were because I never felt that we need what our neighbors have. They have cars, we commute (oh how I love to walk in the streets of Kidapawan holding my parents hands one more time). They have many colored TV while our whole family shares the old black and white TV in my grandparents’ living room and it’s ok. I am happy and contented with what I have and that makes me feel wealthy.

I never really felt we were poor until my parents are earning a little more than what they used to earn. My mom got promoted and my dad started a small business. Then they can afford to buy delicious food and finally have our own house. They bought nice clothes and gave me and my siblings a lot of things. The problem is I also started noticing what my classmates and friends have that I don’t and I must also have those. Then I started asking my parents to have them buy those things that my classmates and friends have. Of course, they always can’t afford to buy me those so I thought we were really poor. My classmates and friends told me so. Gone are the days when I used to be satisfied with what we have. Gone are the times when I am very happy just to see my parents and my sibling happy. I felt dissatisfied. I wanted more than what my parents can afford because my classmates and friends told me so. They told me that we are poor and I don’t want to be poor.

My dad and mom started to notice my attitude and one day they tour me in some of the remote areas of Kidapawan and in my mind I am wondering why we were there. Those areas were so filthy and lots of dirty children playing some have slippers most of them don’t. Torn shirts and rugged pants they laugh and were having the time of their lives. Without hearing a word or two from my parents I realized how rich we truly are. I am rich because I have nice clean clothes that these children don’t have. I have both my parents while some of the children were abandoned by their parents. I have nice shoes and will not walk the street bare foot. Then I realized that like those children I used to be satisfied with what I have and now what have become of me. I felt so ashamed that I asked my parents that we should go home already because I’m tired. I know that day my parents saved me from becoming someone that I don’t ever wanted to be and I am truly thankful for that. The tour opened my eyes that there’s more to life and the word does not revolve on a single person only.

It’s hard but I am really trying my best to be satisfied with what I have and being truly thankful of having them. I don’t think that life is like a box of chocolates but life is more like a pack of Yucky gum - it’s so sour but you’ll it anyway just have a taste of it’s rewarding sweet gum in the middle.

Guilt a Skelon in my Closet

Now I finally had the courage to tell everyone about my guilt in losing my Lolo. When my parents got married, they were just trying to build their own little home and they don’t have much. So my parents lived with my grandparents (mother’s side) and decided to move out if they are able to have their own house coming from their own efforts. Since I was the first grandchild on my mother’s side, I was given all the love and attention (wala kase akong kaagaw). To be able to build that dream house, both my parents have to work hard and left me all day with my grandparents. You see, being with my grandparents most of the time makes me feel more attached to them. They were always there for me, every time. I love my grandparents so much.

After few years, I am more at home at my grandparents’ house than our own house. I look forward to every weekends because that’s the time that I got to sleep over and stay with them.

More years had passed and my grandmother died because of brain tumor, they my uncle Darwin (my mom’s older) followed by accident. My Lolo was so devastated with the lost because they both died only months apart. I saw how my Lolo tried to cope up with it. He emerged himself at work (he’s is by the way one of the most famous “mekanino” in our province, having OJT’s from respected universities and schools) and drinks a lot. He changed his attitude and somehow my once sweet Lolo lost part of his soul with them. He got easily irritated sometimes. There was this one instance that my little brother Michael and I were arguing about a certain thing and because we were too loud my Lolo got mad and shouted at us and tried to unfasten his belt. We were so afraid of him that time and that was the very first time I saw him like that. My brother and I were so frightened that we were able to leap the high sofa that was blocking our way. Then we ran as far as we can away from him. My Lolo even wanted to get married but my mom and her siblings don’t want him to. I guess he became so lonely and no one of us understood. He was so alone even when we are always there for him. I can often see him stare into nothingness while smoking (he doesn’t used to smoke before), maybe thinking of my Lola and how they shared their lives together. I wish I hugged him before when I saw him like that to make him feel that I am there for him. But I didn’t, I shied away thinking that it would me less manly. I was wrong. I know I am because I’m thinking now that I should have done it. Years passed and it seemed that my Lolo was able to cope up.

One morning, I hear a commotion so I stood up and got out from the room to know what it is all about. My Tita Even (my mom’s little sister) called informing them that my Lolo had a stroke. We rushed to the hospital where he was confined. Then my Tita Even told us what happened. She told us that she heard a bang from my Lolo’s room so she ran towards it hurriedly and then he found Lolo on the floor bath in his own **** apparently trying to get up to go to the toilet when he suddenly had a stroke.

“Pa, naunsa ka man dra (Pa, what are you doing there)?” my aunt asked Lolo while trying to help him stand up.

“Ambot gani, natumba lang ko og dli ka lihok (I don’t know, I just fell down and can’t move),” my Lolo told her in tears barely audible and stuttering.

“Pa! Teng! Tabang! Si Papang!” my aunt crying as she calls for help. Luckily her friend Teng was there to assist her.

Then she called mom and rushed Lolo to the hospital.

That was the summer of 1999 and since I don’t have school I am the one who is tasked to look after Lolo. After few days I got tired. I was young and arrogant so when Lolo ask for something I just do whatever he says hurriedly without much care. There were times when my Lolo begged me to help him to the toilet so he could release his bowel but since he was so heavy for me and with all the catheter and tubes inserted in him, it was really hard work for me. So there were times I refused to help him and give him a bedpan instead. But he doesn’t want to do it in a bedpan because his back got so painful every time he used it. But I insist. Being weak he can’t do anything but do it there. There is one instance that he fell from his bed because he’s trying to go to the toilet by himself. So I got angry because he didn’t ask for assistance. But when I looked into his teary eyes I felt ashamed of myself for behaving so bad. I felt guilty and try to do better. But from that moment on he was looking for my little brother Michael whom he knows who would care for him better than I do. Guilt was building inside me that I want to go away. If only I could. I am so ashamed of what I am behaving during that time.

Then an opportunity came knocking at my face. My dad’s brother wanted me to go with him and assist him in leading a group (including my cousins) in climbing Mt. Apo. I was so ecstatic and agreed immediately without second thoughts. This is it, my one chance to get away from all of these. So I left my Lolo with my aunt who will now file a leave to help my Lolo and take care of him.

Summer’s gone and it’s back to school. We had a school project and I would be needing my Lolo’s knowledge because it’s all mechanical and my Lolo’s an expert on that field. Beaming with pride I told my group mates that my Lolo’s going to provide us things we need with our project and he’s going to assist us building it. So me and my classmates from Davao decided to go back to my hometown in Kidapawan to visit my Lolo.

When we arrived at my Lolo’s house my aunt told us that my Lolo was not there because he decided to pay a visit to all his brothers and sisters. I was dismayed but it was ok because we can always get some of my Lolo’s stuffs for our project. Then the next day we went back to Davao.

Monday morning I got a call from my mom.

“Butch, wala na si Papa (Butch, Papa is gone),” mom told me while crying.

“Unsa (What)?” her words don’t seem to register into my mind. I felt like everything has stopped moving.

“Patay na si Papa, huhuhu,” she cried.

Then I cried and all I can hear is my constant sobbing and my mom’s telling me that it’s ok no because finally my Lolo could finally rest and meet my Lola and Kuya Darwin in heaven.

We were going to have an exam in Communications I regarding fiber optics later that day so I asked my professor permission if I could take it earlier because I’m going home because my Lolo passed away. He refused and told me that he didn’t go home when his father or mother died either. I was so mad at him and told myself that’s why he ends up so bitter because he doesn’t know how to give love. I had no choice but to wait for the exam schedule and take the exam or I’ll lose my DOST scholarship.

When I finally was able to go home, from the terminal up to my Lolo’s house I was crying. I felt so sad and guilt starts building up because I had the chance to repay all his goodness but I didn’t take that chance and wasted it all the way. There’s no way I can tell him how I love him and how I care for him now. It’s too late.

Years passed and yet I still feel guilty of not able to help and take care of him when I am most needed. Most nights I would dream of him asking me to come with him or just saw him in my dream. Some dreams my Lola and Kuya Darwin were even there. I dreamed of him always that sometimes I felt scared to go to sleep. I would always end up crying and asking for forgiveness. If only I could go back in time and undo what took place I would but I know I can’t. I’ve been carrying my guilt all these times until I decided to confide to a friend about it. A friend told me that I must learn to forgive myself because that was I mistake that I can’t undo and I was still young that time. She told me that she is sure that my Lolo loves me and he already had forgiven me. That’s why he was always visiting me in my dreams to tell me that it’s ok. That I was forgiven and can finally be free and enjoy my life. That I should not carry the chip on my shoulder forever and free my heart from the burden of guilt.

Then one day I decided to forgive myself and promise to become a better person. That in case one day, my parents would be needing me, I will always be there for them. So I decided to take Caregiving course. My parents don’t want any of us (children) take caregiving because they don’t want us be doing that kind of work. They told us that they are working their asses off to make sure that we will be having a better future. I didn’t tell them and I took the course anyway. After all, it would be for them when the time comes.

The night before the graduation (2007), I had a dream. It was a very terrible dream about people I love the most. It was so horrible that I was crying in my sleep and struggling as to who to go first or what to do first. I was a very terrifying dream. I finally able to woke my self up and went directly to the bathroom and called my mom. I was crying still and asked mom to listen to me first. I told her everything. About my dreams and about taking caregiving course. About the guilt I am carrying and my fear for the people I love. Then after I finished talking she told me that I should not felt guilty in the first place because if anyone would be guilty it would be her. She told me that from Lola up to my Lolo she was not able to be there always because she can’t do the things I’ve done, she doesn’t have the stomach to do it. She would pay for all the fees but she could only visit and check. My mom told me that she was proud of me. She told me that she was sure that I was forgiven. That my Lolo can’t finally rest in peace because he was worried about me. That my Lolo can’t go on with the afterlife because I’m holding him back. Now, I understand it all. Now I am finally free of guilt. My Lolo and I could finally move on. After that dream and talk with my mom, I felt relief and I even don’t have nightmares or dreams about my Lolo wanting me to come with him.

Imagine, I’ve been carrying all those guilt for about 8 years and it affected me so much. I am happier now and I know that my Lolo could finally have his rest in peace with his Creator in heaven.

Be Inspired

There’s just too much that a person can take in his/her lifetime yet we are able to take so many things at once. We take it because we need to. We take all of it because we must and most of the time we take it all because we have no other choice. Then we end up thumped up to the bones - even to our very soul. There’s just in excess of things that we need to face each day that most of the time we forgot how to appreciate the wonders and gifts the Lord has given us.

I, for one, is very much beat up myself. There are times that I would want to stop the clock and just breathe in and out, hoping that as I exhale all the worries go away too. Yet we know that life doesn’t go that way. So we seek for something that would inspire us. May it be people, things, or words that would help to enlighten us so that we could go on our life. That no matter how beat up you are, you could still stand up and face everything because you are inspired to go on.

There is one blog over the internet that I found out recently that offers inspirational words - words that would uplift your soul and ease your mind. The blog is called Karl's blog by Karl Moore (a best-selling author and entrepreneur). His blog has interesting entries that one might found very helpful. He has entries that are set to inspire and help individuals in their spiritual growth. I really find Karl's blog very helpful. Whenever I am down, I tried to read through Karl's blog entries and try to find words that would somehow inspire me. Often, I can find it there. I suggest that you check his blog yourself. Who knows, you might even need it more than I do. Mondays and Fridays are special days for his blog. Mondays is for "Random Act of Kindness" and Fridays is for "Friday Factoid." I believe that you would find his blog exciting and inspiring as I do. So what are you waiting for? Visit his blog now and be inspired!

Disclosure: This post is brought to you by http://www.karlblog.com/

In Two's or Three's

Lately I've been finding a lot of things that come in two's or in three's. Like what happen last 07/13/2007, which I wrote on my previous entry here. The other one is on my Deviant Art (DA) account.

You see I have to check 38 new deviations from artists that I appreciate and 38 new messages from other members of the DA. See what I mean, two number 38's! Isn't it great. Is it just pure coincidence or is there a hidden message there that I should discouver? Hmmm, let's find out in the following days to come.

Friday the 13th

Yesterday was 07/13/07 and the time I arrived at the office was exactly 7:13 am and later that day on my Java Programming Language Training the chapter we are in was Chapter 13. Three 7's and three 13's. Seven is known to be a lucky number and 13 is unly. In my part, during that day,

My Shrinking Patience

Just one more of ot "it" and I will finally shatter into bits and pieces that I might be able to glue myself altogether. Things happened, slowly at first then suddenly came pouring and I'm all wet. Fuck. Why do I have to go through this. Why do I have to always care. I hate myself at times and I even cry myself to sleep for caring too much of them and leaving myself empty. I hate it. I hate myself all the more when the people I help turn their backs on me once they will be able to stand on their own two feet. It's ok for me that they will no longer pay too much attention to me after what I sacrifice for them nor they don't want to be with me or being friends with me, but to say things to people against me is more than I can bear. I am a good person and I can extend my patience for as long as I can, but now it's nearing my limit. I am so afraid of myself that when that time comes that I can no longer control myself that I might fight back. That I might hurt the people I used to care and might even still care for. It's been years that I allow you people to step on me but I can not assure you that I won't fight back. Just one more of "it" and you'll see what I am made of. Be careful with what you say because once I break I no longer care.

Bittersweet

I thought that life had had enough of playing with me but then again I've been proved wrong. All the while I thought that I it would be the time finally settle and be contended on what life is offering me of the moment. I got myself a good job, a good relationship, and comics on the side. It's almost perfect - from the moment I wake up 'til I sleep late at night. I can't complain and I thank God for that.

Never did I think that fate has something else in store for me. I've been receiving a lot of calls lately from different companies offering me jobs. I didn't think twice of refusing them. Then one fateful day something happened that caught me off-guard. I decision that I have no power to do on my own. I'm barely hanging in a balance and no matter hard I'll try I know that I won't make it yet deep down inside me something is yelling to me to hold on no matter what because there's still a chance. I called out to heavens for guidance and to help me accept no matter what the outcome may be.

Like a swift wind suddenlly passed me by unknowingly, I fell. I didn't make it. I lose. Suddenly it felt like pitch black surrounding me. Then I saw the light. Even though I fail, I heard God's whispered to me. Telling me that it's Ok. That I would be fine and He was just preparing something big for me. If I will hold on to my faith in Him or just succumb to the pain that fate have cost me. I might have lost everything at this moment but I do not fear for I know I am not alone - at least not physically.

I've learned my lessons well and I sure am going to use it in the future knowing that I have become stronger. Better. Thank you Lord for everything,

I know

If you've been wondering what's happening to me for the past 3 months, I just got busy. After the holidays I went back to Manila (from Kidapawan) and I joined the 1st Aid Training and Basic Life Support from Red Cross Quezon City chapter. The training took about 7 days. The whole training period was whole lot of fun. I enjoyed every minute of it. Especially the last day wherein there was a simulation of what might actually happen if grave situation arises. It was so exhausting and a bit confusing. It was really hard that's why I've got a much higher respect to all the volunteers who are always putting their lives on the line saving other people's butt. It was not an easy task and it requires a lot of effort from you. I graduated the training and gained myself, not only licenses for the 1st Aid Training and Basic Life Support, a whole new perspective of the importance of life.

Sunwoo Animation Philippines is currently on hiatus because there is no current production of new show since "I Got A Rocket" wrapped up last December. They might start a new show on May, however, it is not still confirmed because Sunwoo didn't even announce the title if the so called new show. There were also rumors that only lay-out and animation will be done here in the Philippines and the clean-up (CU) and in-between (IB) will be on Korea. If that will be the case all of us home grown talents will be out of job. Good thing though is that our contract ended last February 6, 2007 so we are free to look for new studios. I heared some artist went to Toon City, Top Draw, Toon Hub, DQ and others I forgot. In my case I just finished "The Land Before Time" at Toon City and currently working on "Fantastic 4" which I will be discussing next.

"Fantastic 4" show is one of the best show I've ever done since.The style is realistic and it helps me a lot as an artist. It was hard but I have so much fun drawing all the characters and the scenes they are in. The hardest to draw among the 4 main character is "Thing" because his skin is rock so his a bit confusing to draw especially in doing IB. I also love drawing "Iron Man" and "Susan." I think my drawing skills now is a bit honed, still very far from perfect but I will get there someday, and there are a lot of perspective and foreshorteing to consider. I am taking my time in every drawing I create so that I can learn as much as I can. This project makes me excite to work everyday. I am no longer after of how much I will be earning, which is very good by the way, but how much I will be learning. I am just so much happy with this show.

Apart from animation, I am also busy applying for a job in IT and engineering because the pay I'm getting from the previous shows isn't enough. Even if I love animation, I still have to eat, pay the rent, help my family so I need to look for a greener pasture. I decided to go back to IT and engineering, I have a lot of offers and I choose to work with BPI (I will be starting on April 3, 2007). It was not the company who offered the biggest amount but looking at the benefits and the career path it was the one who has the brightest light at the end of the tunnel. So I grab the chance to be a part of the company and I will be starting soon. No, I won't leave animation and comics. I can still get folders to draw from the "Fantastic 4" show during Friday night to Sunday night and I can always spare 3 to 4 hours of creating comics and web designs every day.

Speaking of comics, it's been a while since I wasn't been able to buy new copies of the titles that I collect. I am not so active with the world of comics (so sorry to all the Komikeros if I ever make you feel being neglected because of the stuff I already told you thru e-mail) but Paper Clip Komics is definitely still active. I already finished my story and so does Canave (Ruel and Mye, your promise ha). I am currently experiencing a problem with the printing because my contact person told me that the machine isn't working still and I can't find other printers that would give the same quality at a trift price. I hope the machine will get fix or I could find a replacement. I will be announcing the release of the next issue soon.

I am also currently waiting when my drawing/animation table will be created so that I can go back drawing "Bulong" because I find it hard to draw sitiing on the floor, flexing my knees so that I can use my legs as a support for my drawing board. Yes, that's how I draw since I went back to Manila after working in Baguio last 2005. I put the project on hold for too long already and I bit embarrass with the author. I am glad he understand thinking that the novel isn't finish yet. I am also trying to work with Pao (for a special project), she was interrested for me to translate her short story in the form of comics. She was not sending me her manuscript yet because she was not able to go back to Las Pinas because she was very preoccupied with her upcoming marriage to Aljude. I still have to wait for the script.

I am also having weight issues. I've been gaining weight since I started working in animation last year. Maybe because of the lifestyle. I've been sitting and drawing all through the day til wee hours seven days a week. I still have the same food intake but my physical activities has been entirely gone so my metabolism slows and I got fat everyday. One of the requirements in working with BPI is for you to be physically fit (class A). I took the medical exam and all results are satisfactory except for my BP which is elevated. I have it rechecked and it out that I have a normal BP. During the first check up I didn't rest after walking to Shang Rila Mall from Megamall and walking up the stairs up to the 5th level where the clinic is located. Even if my BP is normal, it was on line verge of the thin line that separates the normal and high BP so I started jogging and eating less rice. I lose 8 lbs on the first 3 weeks and gained 1 lb and it stays there. However, "Fantastic 4" requires a lot of time nowadays so I wasn't able to jog for 2 weeks now. I promise I will find time for my physical routine to lose more weight and become healthy once again (as I used to be).

That's for now, just in case you're wondering my absence in the world of blogging.

P.S.

Please do pray for my friend Andro who will be undergoing under the knife tomorrow at the Imus Medical Hospital. Also pray for his mom's battle against TB.

Unproductive

I've been unproductive for about a week now. There seems to be so much going on. The brewing war b/n humans and not-so-humans in the office, the confusion amongst the artists, the lack of feedback from my groupmates, the very painstakingly difficult job training I've been having, almost lack of sleep, emotional turmoil, weight issue, and so much more. I wanted to break free but I can't cause everythings must be dealt with - fast. I can't focus on one because everything needs so much attention. Waaaahhhhh. I'm running out of cash (I think nothing's left of me, hmmm). It's official I'm poor and almost exhausted. Thanks to God, whenever I close my eyes it seems that He tells me that I can do it. I hope so and I know that even if I've been calling for His aid almost every minute He doesn't got tired of me. So, Oh, what I'm still doing here. Bye for now, got loads of stuff to do.