3 Months...

Happy 3rd monthsary... I love you more each day...

Three months ago I cried fearing I won't be seeing you again...

Three months ago you wipe away those tears when you told me you love me...

Three months ago we became one...

It's been three months and we're still holding on...

It's been three months and we're still one...

It's been three months and more to go...

25 on the 25th of April 2005

It's my birthday!!! Well this is one of the saddest birthday I've ever had. Being alone in a cold place and all that. Sigh. Anyways, thanks to all who greeted me. It's really nice for you to greet me.


I'm kinda happy also because I got to spent my birthday from 12 midnight up to 6am with you. Love you so much!!!

German Cardinal Becomes Pope Benedict XVI

Joseph Ratzinger, a Hard-Line German Cardinal, Is Elected Pope and Takes the Name Benedict XVI


By VICTOR L. SIMPSON Associated Press Writer


VATICAN CITY Apr 19, 2005 — With unusual speed and little surprise, Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany became Pope Benedict XVI on Tuesday, a 78-year-old transitional leader who promises to enforce strictly conservative policies for the world's Roman Catholics.


Appearing on St. Peter's Basilica balcony as dusk fell, a red cape over his new white robes, the white-haired Ratzinger called himself "a simple, humble worker."


The crowd responded to the 265th pope by waving flags and chanting "Benedict! Benedict!"


Click here for more news >>>

Bottom of the wheel

I have been depressed for the past few weeks because of the events that had happened to me that turn my life upside down. I'm having hard time to accept things as they are. Needless to say that I am in a new place and a new environment that I used to blend and handle well in the past. I refuse to accept change and I deny that time is really changing.

Way back in Manila, I am perfectly still and loving every second of the day even if I just have to stay home all day and just read books that I usually borrowed from a friend. Everything for me seemed so normal even if I don't have to work cause I do have some savings from the previous job that I had. I even don't have to worry if I have something left to eat for the next couple of days to come. I am contended. I am happy. I am in love.

Like every story, like every events, and like everyone else, comes a twist. It usually happens when you don't expect it the most. When you are vulnerable and seemed so relax. It catches you off guard. It makes you think. It makes you crazy. And I hate it.

Right now I can't say that whatever I'm doing to cope up with it helps. I can't say that I'll be able to survive this. But I am holding on. I refuse to give up. It's so damn hard hard and it hurts me even more. The more I try to accept and fight it, the harder it gets. Oh help me God.

If things get worst, I pray that I will still be able to stand with my own two feet. Should I fall and shattered into dust, I don't expect that someone would pick me up but I just hope that I'll be able to rise above it all.

P.S

Thank you for calling me last night. I really had a great time talking with you. I love you even more. Thanks for loving me back.

Make love to me

Let the tree sway back and forth
As the wind sings its lullaby
Carrying the tune that awakes the sleepy


Let the leaves collect the dew from the morning mist
As it falls down slowly to the ground like kisses of eternal promises
Washing away all the worries from the day before


Let the morning light embrace everything it touches
As they all welcome it like arms of a lost child
Clearing away all the inhibitions and fears


Let the roots burried itself into the ground
As the earth open it's arms to let them through
Burrying deep, deeper into it's core


Let them become one secretly before our eyes
As the night and darkness bear witness to their union
Owning each other like they are one


Let the river flow through where the roots pass
As it quenches the thirst of a longing soul
Exploding like fireworks illuminating the night skies to celebrate


Let the bliss firms the bond
As the seed becomes the hope for what tomorrow brings
Promising that they would never part, always one

Kahit...

Tell me that you love me

Kahit ito'y kunwari lang

Feed me with those promises

Kahit hindi mo man ito matutupad

Empty my loneliness

Kahit iba nasa isip mo

Bring me to life

Kahit panandalian lang

Show me that you care

Kahit ito'y pagpapanggap lamang

Own me with all your heart

Kahit ngayon lang

This for a friend of who found and lost love. Who give and never think twice. Who beg for the love to come back even for just one night - even if it means the last.

Hope that you could move on and find the one who deserves your love and who would love you back.

Noong Isang Lingo

Mainit Malungkot Masakit

Makita Malayo Malungkot

Mabilis Malayo Mag-aantay

Mainit Malamig Mabilis

Mag-isa Mag-aantay Malungkot

Madali Malayo Mabilis

Makita Mag-uusap Masakit

Masakit Makita Malungkot

Masaya Mag-isa Mabilis

Mag-uusap Maghahanap Magkasama

Masaya Malungkot Magmamahal

Magkasama Mainit Masaya

Masaya Malamig Mainit

Magkasama Matagal Mainit

Maglalakbay Maiiwan Malungkot

Magtatagal Malalakbay Mag-isa

Magkasama Magmamahal Magkalayo

So how's the weather?

I finally decided to go to Baguio for the 5 month apprenticeship program. Before I went to the terminal I visited first a friend of mine and we talked for a while then he accompanied me to the bus terminal. I even send SMS to some of my friends and most of them replied sending their regards and goodluck wishes. Oh by the way, I even dropped by my former office, but the guard won't allow me to bid my teamates goodbye. Sigh. I was so sad as I am not ready to leave all the people that became my family who supported me and who are always there for me through ups and downs. And I do appreciate them for that.

I arrived at Baguio about 11am in the morning. I send an SMS to a friend of mine asking him what's the address of the inn that he stayed when he first went to the city. Then I rode a cab to send me to the said inn. I am not excited nor delighted to go to Baguio that's why I felt so alone. Unlike my first trips to other places which I am so ecstatic to explore. This time it's different. It's as if I am being punish for sins that I am not even aware of. Most of my friends, who communicated with me through SMS, e-mails and blogs, told me that it's alright and in couple of days I won't feel that sad anymore. Sana nga.

I tried to take a nap for a while because I'm so tired from the travel. When I woke I still felt so alone and so small so I decided to take a walk. It was so cold outside and all you can see are unfamiliar faces busying themselves with things they do. I tried so hard to smile but it seems that it was so hard. I continued walking through the Session Road still looking at all the busy people hurrying here and there. Then I took Mabini Street to take me to the Burnham Park. Still I didn't feel alright so I decided to go back to the inn.

By the entrance I saw a ledge where I can sit on so I just sitted there feeling the cold wind brushed through my face reminding me that I am no longer in Manila. That I am in a new place all by myself. I tried to think of some of the happy moments that I have had. The Komikero meetings, the so-called mall tours with my Convergys and College friends, the secret dates and stolen moments, the jokes out of thin air, the bar hopping with strangers, the free drinks and all that. Those were the days. Then I noticed that I'm smiling. Somehow the loneliness seemed to fade away for a moment. Then I'm back to reality. I'm back to being sad.

Then Andy texted me and he arrived a minute later. We went to SM Baguio to let time fly by. Then we bid goodbye and I'm back to the inn by myself. I texted some of my friends and some replied. I am very much thankful to those who replied. And I do appreciate Philip (15 mins) and Mike's (55 mins) effort to call me and talked to me over the phone just to say hi and make sure that I'm OK. Then by 2am I tried to sleep to prepare myself for the next day.

I'll Miss You All

These are the people whom I'm going to miss when I go to Baguio.

The Komikeros, College Batchmates, Panasonic and Convergys Officemates and friends. Sorry I don't have pictures of some of my friends so heto na lang muna. Pagpasensyahan na lang hehehe.

Texas Instruments

I'll be starting my apprenticeship program at Texas Instruments (TI) in Baguio City on the 6th of April. So I might not be seeing you guys for quite sometime. I just can't drop this opportunity that TI is giving me because this will surely help me with my career as an engineer. I hope everything will be just fine. Just try to text me from time to time so that I won't get lonely. Ang lamig pa naman doon.

Month 2

Happy 2ng Month kahit hindi tayo nagkita!!!

Love You!!!

Ako ba 'to?

Hindi ko akalain na alam ko din pala ang magselos. Ewan ko ba at bakit ako'y nagkakaganito. Tapos lagi pa ako nag-iisip ng mga bagay bagay na keso ganito o ganyan. Hay nko, ano na nga ba ang nangyayari sa akin? Alam ko na hindi ito normal kaya nga nagkakagulo isip ko. Lagi na lang ako nagt-txt at tumatawag na parang na papraning. Pero napakasaya ko naman. Kase alam ko na mahal ko 'yong tao at tapat ako sa kanya. Siguro nga lang kase dami naghahabol sa kanya. Bakit nga naman pinanganak sya'ng maganda @ maputi. Pero higit sa lahat na nakakabaliw sa kanya ay ang kanyang ugali at mapupulang mga labi. Hay nko. In-love na naman ako. Heto na naman ako. Pang ilang beses na ito. Sana ito na.

Pero lately medyo napapansin ko na para yata meron nagbago. Ako ba? Sobra na ba pagmamahal ko? O siya? Ewan ko at hindi ko diretsong masagot at sobrang dami na ng tumatakbo sa aking isipan na pilit ko na lang kinalilimutan. Ayaw ko isipin na baka ito pa ay magkakatotoo. Sana hindi. Ayoko. Hindi ko kakayanin.

Sabi nga nila pag mahal mo 'yong tao eh dapat marunong ka mag-trust sa taong ito. Kaya nga pag medyo nagiisip ako at nami-miss ko sya inisip ko na lang sa sarili ko na "I trust you and I love you." Shit ang corny ko na ba? Hayaan nyo na lang ako at masaya lang ako hehehe.

Halo-halong emosyon ang aking nararamdaman sa ngayon at sana akin itong makakayanan. Masaya ako at minsan ay nalulungkot pag sya ay hindi ko kasama. Pero ganyan talaga ang buhay. Ahhhhhhhh basta. Mahal ko sya at sinabi nya na mahal nya ako at 'yon ang importante. Sana hindi magbabago ang lahat.

Gatecrasher sa Bday-Mini-Concert

A friend, Jon, of mine invited me to a birthday party of his friend, who was his former bandmate (yes, nag boy-band sila dati kasama pa nga nya sa group 'yong husband ni Ian). Three of us went to the venue, sa may Timog, and it was a karaoke bar. I am introduced to the celebrant and other people who were there. It was sort of a reunion ng banda because it's been quite a while since they saw each other the last time.

Then some guest were ask to sing and they did. They asked me to sing because they know that I was once a choir member. I did not sing because they are so good. Nahiya ako hahaha. There was this certain lady na sobrang pasaway at nakakatuwa. Tawa kami ng tawa sa kanya. When I was informed that she is a doctor mas lalo ako natuwa sa kanya. Wala talaga hiya sa pinagikagagawa nya. She's so cool and very confident. Lalo na ung kinanta nya ung songs nila Mahal at Mura. You just can't stop sa pagtawa. When the band started singing nako sila na lang pinakanta kase we were awed by their voices. Magblending ba naman at iba't ibang style pa. Parang mini-concert nang nangyari. They are so good at it. Ang galing ng friend ko kumata pakshet! Hahaha.

After the celebration, the three of us went to McDonald's para mag sundae. Then I told Jon na he should teach me how to sing well and he told me, "Why not kung me pambayad ka." He's kidding of course. He told me when he's not busy with his gigs. Grrr. That's next to impossible. I guess I should learn how to sing well by myself then.

I really enjoyed the celebration very much. Sabi pa nga nila, sa uulitin hehehe. Sana when that time arrives magaling na din ako kumanta. Hehehe.

A Friend Bid Goodbye

I just received txt messages from one of my not anymore but used to be a friend. Here are some of the messages:

Gud bye salamat sa lahat.

Thanks s magagandang

pakikisama mo. Ingat k n

lng. 22ong last txt ko n i2. U

wil find a bettr friend. God

bless!

Bhala ka! U take ur friend 4

grantd. u r on ur own! Gago

ka!

Ur a total people pleaser.

Fuck u!

I'm not even sure as to why this so called used to be "friend" of mine hated me so much. I'm not even aware what I've done wrong for this "friend" to hate me as much as he hated me now. I even ask this person the night before the txt messages came pouring down my mobile phone if there's something wrong. The person just replied, "No there's nothing wrong. I'm perfectly alright. I'm just tired from the day job." Upon hearing these words I'm confident that there should be nothing wrong, right? I am quite insensitive at times, that I admit, and people who know me accepted me for that. But I won't let myself get to the point hurt a person and would hate me for that. Well, what can I say, each one of us is diffrent but that should not hinder us to know and accept each other for who we are. Sigh. Am I really that bad? Am I?

Interview

Two days ago I had a two day seminar with LDS-ERC in Makati re how to prepare yourself for an interview. It was fun and very refreshing. Then yesterday a certain company called and they asked me to be interviewed for a certain job. They told me to come to their office about 10 am and I told them that I am not available in the morning but I am in the afternoon. They scheduled me then in the afternoon.


When I arrived at the vicinity, they asked me to fill out some forms and then the interview began. I was thinking, for fun sake, that I would apply what I learned during the two day seminar. Then the interview started and I applied what I learned and it turn out to be ok - no, great. I had a great time during the interview and I'm sure that the interviewer had as well.


Well I'm not really sure if I really pulled it out and even if I did, I'm not really sure if I want the job. Sigh. Come what may.

Ice Tea and Puto Pao

Masarap i-pares ang dalawa lalo na malamig ang ice tea (apple) at mainit ang puto. Lalo na pag kinain nyo 'to sa first month nyo.


Mayasa lang po ako!!!

It's far... too far

The endless revolution of the windmill stops

Voices bouncing back and forth but never returns

Echoes reflecting into the mirror

The Sun used to greet the morning brightly

Yet I can't reach you

Then I dreamt of flight and fall

Travelling the valleys of the sky

Coints been collected in the well that brings hope

And moon shines the starless night

Yet I can't reach you

I open my briefcase full of written sighs

The ashes will be blown by the wind

Melodies of the strings sung by the birds

The day is day and the night is dark

Yet I can't reach you

*Ano meaning nito? Ewan ko... Basta ginawa ko lang sya nung na visit ko friendster account mo... Ingat... D ka kase reply sa txt kaya I decided to drop this thing... hehehe... God bless Pao...

This is the poem I wrote specially for Pao because it seems that she has forgotten me. So I dropped this poem to her friendster account and alas she texted me after reading it. She even replied. Sometimes it's really nice to be more creative to get more attention. Bwahahaha.

Ganyan ba ako kadaling kalimutan?

Two weeks ago a friend of mine throw that question to a suitor who suddenly stops courting her. Well it happened when she's almost sure about her feelings towards the guy and about to get ready to say "yes" when the courting stops. "Ganyan talaga eh," the guy replied. Really? That easy? Well, actually it's not that easy according to the sources.

The story goes like this. Guy courts a girl... the girl thinks... the guy is involved with another girl (she's carrying the guy's child by the way)... the guy thinks again... the girl is about to say yes... the guy woke up from dreaming... guy choose to stick with the girl and his baby... courted girl found out got hurt... the girl wants to reconsider... the guy declined... the girl pops the question "Ganyan ba ako kadaling kalimutan?" What happens next is yet to be seen. Are they going to be friends or foes? Lovers (unlikely). Well, abangan ang susunod na kabanata.

Moral of the story? Hmm, tell me what you think about this.

P.S. Last thing I heard is that they still seeing each other... Hmmm...

Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word

You throw words that stabbed the heart to the nth power
Careless and free you utter them without holding back
Not thingking but letting words flow like river to the sea
Then wounds would heal not and will forever scar inside out


Tomorrow's another day and you think the sky is crystal clear
Once the water is dropped to the ground it is already lost
Then you hum the sweetest melodies you know with your tongue
Yet it rains and it pours in the cloudless blue sky


Then you wonder why the grasses still grow in your backyard
Then you know the whispers are real and the shouts are not
Yet the words still won't come out from the pipelines
Yet the grasses still grow even the wounds would not heal

I Think I'm Fat

Few pounds gain

Looking into the reflection

Feeling down and sorry

The mirror's lying

It's a lie

No doubt

Lazy feeling tired

Opening the fridge

Smiling feeling good

Satisfied

It's great

No doubt

Crazy little belly

Now a mile wide

Body hard to carry

Just an imagination

It's crazy

No doubt

Insulting eyes

Now I see why

The reflection's clear

It's me I see

It's real

No doubt