Sunday, November 04, 2007

Gloomy Monday Morning

When I woke up this morning I suddenly felt sad. I don’t know why or what was the cause of this sadness but I can’t seem to pin point what. I don’t want to get up and head for shower nor close my eyes again to get back to sleep. I just lie down and stare at the ceiling for a while and trying to think what might have caused this strange sadness. It’s sad not knowing why I felt so sad so suddenly.

I don’t know if this experience ever occur to other people and I’d like to know how they cope up with it. It is already 23 minutes past 1 in the afternoon and yet I still can’t shake this feeling off me. This feeling tends to slow time and somehow makes me think back of what I’ve done in my life so far and if I already made a difference in this world. I don’t know really but what I know is that I still have a lot of things to do and learn in life. If other people felt like this too then they probably know how to deal with it.

Then I remember a poem that I read when I was little. It was on a page of my dad’s book of poems. I really can’t remember the whole poem or the title not even the author who wrote it but it goes something like this: “No one loves me that’s why I go to the garden and eat some worms.” Then somehow makes me think that there is no reason for me to be sad at all because unlike the person who wrote that poem I have people who love me. Accept me for who I am, accept my shortcomings, accept my faults, and even if I get hot-headed at times these people are still there for me. A lot of times I am not able to say hi or ask them if they are doing ok but when I do they are still there for me. How come I still have this feeling of sadness over me? I am on a strange situation and I’d like to take this off my back. Like the author of the poem, maybe letting out this feeling through sharing this experience by blogging would somehow help me overcome this feeling.

Come to think of it, maybe the reason why I feel what I feel right now is some events shake me that I choose to ignore that slowly building up until I need to release it but I did not. I really don’t know or felt ashamed to share something to someone somehow this build up of emotions try to find its own way and it just came out this morning when I woke up. This is just plain hypothesis and still can’t find enough evidence to prove my case but that’s the closest reason I could think of as to why I am carrying such sadness. Do you think that somehow, deep down in me, I know why I am sad but so afraid to know it that my mind chooses to shut it down? Oh weird. I am feeling weird right now. Well, what ever the reason is I’d like to know what it is.

Hey guys, if you ever felt like this too and can’t seem to know why and was able to handle it, it would really be nice of you to share it with me. Who knows, someone might read this entry who would want to know more about it too or someone who also has this feeling and want to get rid of it too. The thing is, like most people I don’t want to feel sad because I am a happy person and I want to stay that way.

No comments: