Work-less

It's been months since we last received our regular salary. We don't know when they're going to pay us. As if it was not enough, we were told that we will be pulled out from our job due to lack of funds. Oh well, if that's the case then we will be jobless come new year. Good luck to us.

Sniff

I'm sad.

I Say To You

If it's not two way then it will not work.
If you're hurting more than you are happy then it will not work.
If the trust is lost then it will not work.
If you spend time together yet there's no communication then it will not work.
If you tried so hard and you're partner doesn't even bother then it will not work.
If only one reaches out and the other one doesn't care as much then it will not work.
If you no longer know your own self and so lost with your partner then it will not work.

Even if those things are true, as long as I felt the happiest when I'm with you, I do not care even if I know in the end it's me who's going to be hurt, big time.

A Lesson In Arithmetic By Gov. Ed Panillio

Dislclaimer: I just got this e-mail from a friend and I just would like to share this here. Just feel free to react.

Fr. Ed Panlilio - Gov.of Pampanga

I'm 100% sure this income disparity is replicated in all the provinces of the Philippines .If we had more Ed Panlilios in our government, we would be just like Singapore in a short time. Read on.....

We hope we are witnessing what will be a sustained revolution in good governance in the Province of Pampanga , under its newly elected governor, Fr. Ed Panlilio.

According to the Philippine Daily Inquirer of August 26, only one month after Fr. Panlilio assumed his gubernatorial duties, the province's income from the quarrying of volcanic ash from Mount Pinatubo had reached P29.4 million. (Haulers pay a fee of P300 per truck of volcanic ash that they haul from the quarry.)

By contrast, during his predecessor Mark Lapid's term as governor, the province's income from the same quarrying operations amounted to only P29 million a year.

This gaping variation in official incomes from the same activity should inspire a new set of textbooks in Arithmetic, especially for the school children of Pampanga.

There is nothing like local color and local situations to cultivate comprehension in young minds.

Sample problems: If Fr. Ed's provincial government can collect P29.4 million in 26 days (we assume no quarrying on Sundays), how much does it collect in one day?

Answer: An average of P1.130 million.

If Fr. Ed's provincial government collects an average of P1.130 million a day from quarrying operations, how much can it collect in one year of 313 days (365 days less 52 Sundays)?

Answer: P353, 690,000, or P354 million.

If Fr. Ed's provincial government can collect P354 million a year, and Mark Lapid's provincial government collected only P29 million a year, what is the difference in their official yearly collections?

Answer: P325 million a year.

If Mark Lapid was governor for four years and his provincial government's annual collections from quarrying amounted to an average of P29 million, how much did his provincial govt. officially collect in four years?

Answer: P116 million.

If Fr. Ed manages to remain as provincial governor for four years, and his provincial government's annual collection from quarrying were to average P354 million, how much will his provincial government collect in four years?

Answer: P1.416 billion.

What is the difference between P1.416 billion and P116 million?

Answer: P1.3 billion.

Where did this P1.3 billion go?

Answer: Only God and the Lapids know. ('Lapids' is in plural because Mark, as a second generation political dynasty, succeeded his own father, now Sen. Lito Lapid.We don't know how much Lito's provincial government officially collected from quarrying operations during his watch. Should be a good investigative project for media.)

If Gawad Kalinga spends an average of P75,000 per low cost house, how many low-cost houses can P1.3 billion build?

Answer: 17,333 low-cost houses.

If the average Pampanga family were to consist of five persons (father, mother, three children), how many people would be benefited by 17,333 low-cost houses?

Answer: 86,665 persons.

End of Arithmetic lesson.

Fr. Ed is to be congratulated for setting a high benchmark for collection from quarrying operations against which his predecessors have a moral obligation to explain why their collections were so low, and against which future governors will be judged by the people of Pampanga.Volcanic ash, by the way, is a superior building material. Many of the buildings, aqueducts & monuments of the Roman Empire that have survived for almost 2,000 years are known to have been built w/ volcanic ash, quarried from the environs of Mount Vesuvius after it erupted in 79 AD.

We don't expect Fr.Ed's moral victory in Pampanga to be remembered for the next 2,000yrs. We would be happy with five, ten or 20 years, enough, we hope, to spawn a moral-revolution- by- example to save the Filipinos from their worst enemies - themselves.

GOOD LUCK Philippines !

"Therefore, the primary cause of poverty is not overpopulation of the Philippines !

It's because our country is overpopulated with corrupt officials"

Keep the Faith. Peace.

Operation Trim Down (12/09/2007)

Below is the result I got from that measuring instrument you find at Mercury Drug:

Weight: 181 lb 4 oz / 82.3 kg
Height: 5 ft 9.7 in / 177cm

Blood Pressure:
Max Systolic 129 mmHg
Max Diastolic 77 mmHg
Pulse/minute 84

Body Fat Estimation:
Fat Index 20.2%
Fat Mass 36 lb 9 oz / 16.6 kg
Free F. Mass 144 lb 11 oz / 65.2 kg

Age and Gender: 27 male

I only lose about 3 oz on my weight. My fat index was reduced and so does my fat mass but I gained about 1 lb and 2 oz of my free f. mass. Maybe I was not able to burn all the calories from all those carbs I ate the whole week. I must do something about this. By the way, it's been 2 weeks since I am not able to attend hiphop, cardio boxing, ballroom, and body attack classes and more than 2 months already since I skipped yoga classes. My schedule nowadays limits me to attend those classes. I will try to fit those classes come January next year.

Operation Trim Down (12/03/2007)

Below is the result I got from that measuring instrument you find at Mercury Drug:

Weight: 181 lb 7 oz / 82.4 kg
Height: 5 ft 9.7 in / 177cm

Blood Pressure:
Max Systolic 124 mmHg
Max Diastolic 75 mmHg
Pulse/minute 98

Body Fat Estimation:
Fat Index 20.9%
Fat Mass 37 lb 14 oz / 17.2 kg
Free F. Mass 143 lb 9 oz / 65.2 kg

Age and Gender: 27 male

I lose 2 lbs in a week by not eating Chips Ahoy! Wow this is great and truly amazing considering I ate 2 big bowls of salad, 4 chicken breasts with pasta, 16 pieces boiled prawns in ice, a chop of lamb, 2 slices of pizza, 4 slices of pork tocino, 1 slice of mocha cake, 1 slice of white choco cake, 1 slice of moist choco cake and drink lots of water before weighing. I hope I'll lose some more.

Operation Trim Down (11/26/2007)

Below is the result I got from that measuring instrument you find at Mercury Drug:

Weight: 183 lb 7 oz / 83.3 kg
Height: 5 ft 9.7 in / 177cm

Blood Pressure:
Max Systolic 103 mmHg
Max Diastolic 70 mmHg
Pulse/minute 88

Body Fat Estimation:
Fat Index 21.4%
Fat Mass 39 lb 3 oz / 17.8 kg
Free F. Mass 144 lb 4 oz / 65.5 kg

Age and Gender: 27 male

I gained 4 oz and I think it's all because of Chips Ahoy. I've been eating it for a week. I guess I will try not to eat Chips Ahoy for a while.

Operation Trim Down (Two Months After)

Below is the result I got from that measuring instrument you find at Mercury Drug after two months of working it out on the gym:

Weight: 183 lb 0 oz / 83.1 kg
Height: 5 ft 9.7 in / 177cm

Blood Pressure:
Max Systolic 110 mmHg
Max Diastolic 74 mmHg
Pulse/minute 100

Body Fat Estimation:
Fat Index 21.7%
Fat Mass 39 lb 0 oz / 18.0 kg
Free F. Mass 143 lb 6 oz / 65.1 kg

Age and Gender: 27 male

I may not get a very good results but I lost more than 11 lbs. so I am already happy with the outcome of my efforts. My waistline measurement is down by 4 inches and I can already wear my old pants and shirts once again. I will still do my best to lose some more weight and gain more muscles in the process. I hope by April 2008 I can already achieve the body I always wanted to have again.

Compare with my measurements during my first week on the gym here: First Week Result.

P.S. I am having a hard time dieting so I still eat my usual meals but try hard not to add some because I tend to eat some more after working out. But soon I will try to discipline myself and go on a diet. This I will do after the end of this year.

House Of Congress Blast

Last night I was shocked upon watching ABS-CBN News Update, while burning calories on the treadmill, that the House of Congress here in the Philippines has been blasted, hurting many people and killing two. Apparently, the initial investigation said that the blast came from a parked tricycle not far away from the Congress south wing. This is crazy, just recently there was also an explosion on one of the malls (Glorietta 2) killing and injuring a lot of people and now another blast! This is not right, there is “something” must be done – fast.

Gloomy Monday Morning

When I woke up this morning I suddenly felt sad. I don’t know why or what was the cause of this sadness but I can’t seem to pin point what. I don’t want to get up and head for shower nor close my eyes again to get back to sleep. I just lie down and stare at the ceiling for a while and trying to think what might have caused this strange sadness. It’s sad not knowing why I felt so sad so suddenly.

I don’t know if this experience ever occur to other people and I’d like to know how they cope up with it. It is already 23 minutes past 1 in the afternoon and yet I still can’t shake this feeling off me. This feeling tends to slow time and somehow makes me think back of what I’ve done in my life so far and if I already made a difference in this world. I don’t know really but what I know is that I still have a lot of things to do and learn in life. If other people felt like this too then they probably know how to deal with it.

Then I remember a poem that I read when I was little. It was on a page of my dad’s book of poems. I really can’t remember the whole poem or the title not even the author who wrote it but it goes something like this: “No one loves me that’s why I go to the garden and eat some worms.” Then somehow makes me think that there is no reason for me to be sad at all because unlike the person who wrote that poem I have people who love me. Accept me for who I am, accept my shortcomings, accept my faults, and even if I get hot-headed at times these people are still there for me. A lot of times I am not able to say hi or ask them if they are doing ok but when I do they are still there for me. How come I still have this feeling of sadness over me? I am on a strange situation and I’d like to take this off my back. Like the author of the poem, maybe letting out this feeling through sharing this experience by blogging would somehow help me overcome this feeling.

Come to think of it, maybe the reason why I feel what I feel right now is some events shake me that I choose to ignore that slowly building up until I need to release it but I did not. I really don’t know or felt ashamed to share something to someone somehow this build up of emotions try to find its own way and it just came out this morning when I woke up. This is just plain hypothesis and still can’t find enough evidence to prove my case but that’s the closest reason I could think of as to why I am carrying such sadness. Do you think that somehow, deep down in me, I know why I am sad but so afraid to know it that my mind chooses to shut it down? Oh weird. I am feeling weird right now. Well, what ever the reason is I’d like to know what it is.

Hey guys, if you ever felt like this too and can’t seem to know why and was able to handle it, it would really be nice of you to share it with me. Who knows, someone might read this entry who would want to know more about it too or someone who also has this feeling and want to get rid of it too. The thing is, like most people I don’t want to feel sad because I am a happy person and I want to stay that way.

Hide And Seek

One of my major problem (actually all of us housemates) with renting and living in a boarding house is not having our very own mailboxes. Imagine I have to ask everyone every time if there’s a mail for me and sometimes I got tired of asking and assume that there’ll be no letter for me when actually there’s one. You follow me? It is really hard for all of us not to have our very own residential mailboxes.

There was one time when I am applying for a certain job and they told me that they’ll let me know if I am able to get the job or not through letter or a phone call. Weeks went by and I still haven’t heard anything from them yet so I assume that they’re not interested to hire me. Only to find out after two months that I actually got a letter from that company and apparently my new board mate didn’t know what my real name was and assume that no one in our boarding house with that name lives there. Isn’t that frustrating?

There was also an incident with one of my housemate, he was expecting to receive a letter from one of his clients and weeks also went by and no letter came from his client. Then after a month or so he saw the letter in the rubbish bin outside the boarding house. No one in the house bothered to check the letter if who it was addressed to.

These incidents lead all of us staying in the boarding house to look for commercial mailboxes that we could purchase to resolve our current issue. This is a serious problem for us and we must address it accordingly the soonest. Actually even in the internet you could find high quality mailboxes that fit you. Some even offers affiliate programs which pays you $20.00 just by signing up so how come mailboxes are everywhere except in our boarding house?

Calling Home From Abroad

Aunt Even is currently in the US now and she spends a lot in calling us here in the Philippines. Being alone in the land of milk and honey, she gets lonely at times so she calls us here to somehow ease the loneliness she’s feeling. On one occasion when she called me we discuss how much she spends in a single call and I was shocked on how much it actually costs and she’s having a hard time looking for a phone card that fits her budget.. I told my aunt that I am going to search the internet to help her find a much cheap phone card to call us here from the US.

While surfing the internet, I came across Pingo. For those who haven’t heard about Pingo, it is a global brand of virtual calling cards at a very low and affordable cost. If you visit their site (www.pingo.com) and sign up you will receive $5 worth of free calls. Pingo assures you that there will be no hidden fees. They also offer special phone card blog discount coupon: “ppp3” valid for $3 off Pingo. Isn’t it great? I think this is really a big help for our relatives who are calling us here from abroad.

There’s more! Aside from what I mentioned earlier, Pingo offers Business and Family plan, Rate Watcher, Pingo Mobiles (which helps you save as much as to 90% on your international phone calls), calling card affiliate program, and Pingo’s network is said to be reliable which delivers over 1.1 billion international cards in just one month. If that’s how many cards they deliver, it simply means that many people trust Pingo and they are enjoying the benefits they get from both of their international calling cards and prepaid calling cards.

I am definitely telling my aunt regarding this discovery I make. By using Pingo she will be able to call us more often because it will definitely be in her budget. The more she’s going to save, the more calls she’s going to make. She won’t be that much lonely out there and we won’t miss a single adventure she made in her stay in the US.



Disclosure: This post is made possible by Pingo.

Away From Home in Christmas?

Christmas is just around the corner and I am not yet sure if I am able to go home during the holidays. Not to mention the other upcoming events like Halloween and other celebrations. You see I am now assigned in BIR and they have work in between Christmas and New Year Celebration. I really want to go home but my schedule does not permit me. I do have the same situation when I used to work at the call center before. But I went home to the province (Kidapawan) a day before Christmas Day and went back here in Manila two days after the Christmas Day celebration. As much as I’d like to stay longer, I can’t. There’s work waiting for me in Manila. I miss a lot of birthdays and celebrations. That’s the price I always pay for working away from my family to give them a better future in return. How I wish I could go home during the holidays.

Unlike the Call Center, I could go home if I want to but the problem is I don’t have leaves. If I decide to go back, BIR won’t pay for the days that I am going to spend in Kidapawan. Yes, I am not a regular employee in BIR so I don’t have the same privilege and benefits like the regular employees are enjoying. This means that no work, no pay. Sigh.

I am now thinking if I should go home or just buy my parents, brothers, and sister gifts. I would be able to save more if I would just buy them gifts. I know it would be much better that I am there during these celebrations but if I can’t help it, giving them gifts would somehow suffice for my absence.

What do you think the best gifts I could give my family this year? Hmmm. Maybe I’ll buy my mom shoes for she likes shoes (I can check ShoeMall for the type of shoes my mom would like to have) or perhaps I’ll check Fashion Bug for they always have the latest on fashion. My dad, on the other hand, likes car accessories and basic needs of a man on the go. Perhaps I could check Buy.com for some ideas. As for my brothers, Myking and Epoy love computers while Spike loves mobile games. Since there’s only one PC in the provice I could check HP and Fujitsu and try to decide which of the two brands that might fit my budget. Aside from the mobile games that Spike loves, I could buy him costume instead for the Halloween. As for my sister Labing, she loves music and mobile phone accessories. I could buy her favorite CD. That would be the best gift for her or I could always check eBags for ideas. If that’s not enough then I could always visit couponchief.com for more and great ideas, for they are a one stop coupon deal and discount store for those who loves to shop over the web. Coupon Chief, Inc has a lot of discounts and promotional deals in store for us. Well, I hope I still have time to save money in order for me to buy them gifts.

How about you guys? What do you think is the best give you could give your love ones this upcoming seasons?

Operation Trim Down (1st Month Result)

Below is the result I got from that measuring instrument you find at Mercury Drug:

Weight: 188 lb 5 oz
Height: 5 ft 9.7 in / 177cm
Blood Pressure:
Max Systolic 117 mmHg
Max Diastolic 77 mmHg
Pulse/minute 96
Body Fat Estimation:
Fat Index 22.1%
Fat Mass 41 lb 6 oz / 18.8 kg
Free F. Mass 146lb 14 oz / 66.7 kg
Age and Gender: 27 male

Here is the link to the measurements I got before I headed the gym. Click me.

After one month, it seems that there's no significant change in me. Sigh. I enjoyed it though. I will show a picture of me before and after the "Operation Trim Down" soon so that you could decide if there is some change or not at all.

I would like to go on a diet. Do you have any suggestions?

Free

No longer with my girlfriend
She broke my heart and it’s hard to glue it back
Bite back and hurt her all the more
Now she’s shattered, reduced to dust
“Can you give me another chance?”
She picks one piece of my broken heart
It won’t fit, not by her hands
No matter what

Days went by I look at the sky
Want her back but my heart is torn
Hard as stone and heavy as the earth
Hard to move on, keep thinking back
“How is she? What have become of me?”
Now I am free yet life like’s a burden
Pieces of me scattered elsewhere
Started to pick it up

Nights are sad yet stars shine even brighter
Dancing in the sky glowing like her eyes
A stranger in the mirror masked with madness
In pain my tears start to flow
“What if…”
Now she moved on spreading her wings
To the horizon into the cloudless sky
She’s beautiful

Now I look at my palms
Carrying the pieces of my broken heart
I close my eyes and breathe
Thinking what might have been
What might have become
“I’m sorry too, I forgive you.”
My heart starts to piece its parts together
Slowly a smile starts to form
Now I am finally free, free to love and be loved

Guilt a Skelon in my Closet

Now I finally had the courage to tell everyone about my guilt in losing my Lolo. When my parents got married, they were just trying to build their own little home and they don’t have much. So my parents lived with my grandparents (mother’s side) and decided to move out if they are able to have their own house coming from their own efforts. Since I was the first grandchild on my mother’s side, I was given all the love and attention (wala kase akong kaagaw). To be able to build that dream house, both my parents have to work hard and left me all day with my grandparents. You see, being with my grandparents most of the time makes me feel more attached to them. They were always there for me, every time. I love my grandparents so much.

After few years, I am more at home at my grandparents’ house than our own house. I look forward to every weekends because that’s the time that I got to sleep over and stay with them.

More years had passed and my grandmother died because of brain tumor, they my uncle Darwin (my mom’s older) followed by accident. My Lolo was so devastated with the lost because they both died only months apart. I saw how my Lolo tried to cope up with it. He emerged himself at work (he’s is by the way one of the most famous “mekanino” in our province, having OJT’s from respected universities and schools) and drinks a lot. He changed his attitude and somehow my once sweet Lolo lost part of his soul with them. He got easily irritated sometimes. There was this one instance that my little brother Michael and I were arguing about a certain thing and because we were too loud my Lolo got mad and shouted at us and tried to unfasten his belt. We were so afraid of him that time and that was the very first time I saw him like that. My brother and I were so frightened that we were able to leap the high sofa that was blocking our way. Then we ran as far as we can away from him. My Lolo even wanted to get married but my mom and her siblings don’t want him to. I guess he became so lonely and no one of us understood. He was so alone even when we are always there for him. I can often see him stare into nothingness while smoking (he doesn’t used to smoke before), maybe thinking of my Lola and how they shared their lives together. I wish I hugged him before when I saw him like that to make him feel that I am there for him. But I didn’t, I shied away thinking that it would me less manly. I was wrong. I know I am because I’m thinking now that I should have done it. Years passed and it seemed that my Lolo was able to cope up.

One morning, I hear a commotion so I stood up and got out from the room to know what it is all about. My Tita Even (my mom’s little sister) called informing them that my Lolo had a stroke. We rushed to the hospital where he was confined. Then my Tita Even told us what happened. She told us that she heard a bang from my Lolo’s room so she ran towards it hurriedly and then he found Lolo on the floor bath in his own **** apparently trying to get up to go to the toilet when he suddenly had a stroke.

“Pa, naunsa ka man dra (Pa, what are you doing there)?” my aunt asked Lolo while trying to help him stand up.

“Ambot gani, natumba lang ko og dli ka lihok (I don’t know, I just fell down and can’t move),” my Lolo told her in tears barely audible and stuttering.

“Pa! Teng! Tabang! Si Papang!” my aunt crying as she calls for help. Luckily her friend Teng was there to assist her.

Then she called mom and rushed Lolo to the hospital.

That was the summer of 1999 and since I don’t have school I am the one who is tasked to look after Lolo. After few days I got tired. I was young and arrogant so when Lolo ask for something I just do whatever he says hurriedly without much care. There were times when my Lolo begged me to help him to the toilet so he could release his bowel but since he was so heavy for me and with all the catheter and tubes inserted in him, it was really hard work for me. So there were times I refused to help him and give him a bedpan instead. But he doesn’t want to do it in a bedpan because his back got so painful every time he used it. But I insist. Being weak he can’t do anything but do it there. There is one instance that he fell from his bed because he’s trying to go to the toilet by himself. So I got angry because he didn’t ask for assistance. But when I looked into his teary eyes I felt ashamed of myself for behaving so bad. I felt guilty and try to do better. But from that moment on he was looking for my little brother Michael whom he knows who would care for him better than I do. Guilt was building inside me that I want to go away. If only I could. I am so ashamed of what I am behaving during that time.

Then an opportunity came knocking at my face. My dad’s brother wanted me to go with him and assist him in leading a group (including my cousins) in climbing Mt. Apo. I was so ecstatic and agreed immediately without second thoughts. This is it, my one chance to get away from all of these. So I left my Lolo with my aunt who will now file a leave to help my Lolo and take care of him.

Summer’s gone and it’s back to school. We had a school project and I would be needing my Lolo’s knowledge because it’s all mechanical and my Lolo’s an expert on that field. Beaming with pride I told my group mates that my Lolo’s going to provide us things we need with our project and he’s going to assist us building it. So me and my classmates from Davao decided to go back to my hometown in Kidapawan to visit my Lolo.

When we arrived at my Lolo’s house my aunt told us that my Lolo was not there because he decided to pay a visit to all his brothers and sisters. I was dismayed but it was ok because we can always get some of my Lolo’s stuffs for our project. Then the next day we went back to Davao.

Monday morning I got a call from my mom.

“Butch, wala na si Papa (Butch, Papa is gone),” mom told me while crying.

“Unsa (What)?” her words don’t seem to register into my mind. I felt like everything has stopped moving.

“Patay na si Papa, huhuhu,” she cried.

Then I cried and all I can hear is my constant sobbing and my mom’s telling me that it’s ok no because finally my Lolo could finally rest and meet my Lola and Kuya Darwin in heaven.

We were going to have an exam in Communications I regarding fiber optics later that day so I asked my professor permission if I could take it earlier because I’m going home because my Lolo passed away. He refused and told me that he didn’t go home when his father or mother died either. I was so mad at him and told myself that’s why he ends up so bitter because he doesn’t know how to give love. I had no choice but to wait for the exam schedule and take the exam or I’ll lose my DOST scholarship.

When I finally was able to go home, from the terminal up to my Lolo’s house I was crying. I felt so sad and guilt starts building up because I had the chance to repay all his goodness but I didn’t take that chance and wasted it all the way. There’s no way I can tell him how I love him and how I care for him now. It’s too late.

Years passed and yet I still feel guilty of not able to help and take care of him when I am most needed. Most nights I would dream of him asking me to come with him or just saw him in my dream. Some dreams my Lola and Kuya Darwin were even there. I dreamed of him always that sometimes I felt scared to go to sleep. I would always end up crying and asking for forgiveness. If only I could go back in time and undo what took place I would but I know I can’t. I’ve been carrying my guilt all these times until I decided to confide to a friend about it. A friend told me that I must learn to forgive myself because that was I mistake that I can’t undo and I was still young that time. She told me that she is sure that my Lolo loves me and he already had forgiven me. That’s why he was always visiting me in my dreams to tell me that it’s ok. That I was forgiven and can finally be free and enjoy my life. That I should not carry the chip on my shoulder forever and free my heart from the burden of guilt.

Then one day I decided to forgive myself and promise to become a better person. That in case one day, my parents would be needing me, I will always be there for them. So I decided to take Caregiving course. My parents don’t want any of us (children) take caregiving because they don’t want us be doing that kind of work. They told us that they are working their asses off to make sure that we will be having a better future. I didn’t tell them and I took the course anyway. After all, it would be for them when the time comes.

The night before the graduation (2007), I had a dream. It was a very terrible dream about people I love the most. It was so horrible that I was crying in my sleep and struggling as to who to go first or what to do first. I was a very terrifying dream. I finally able to woke my self up and went directly to the bathroom and called my mom. I was crying still and asked mom to listen to me first. I told her everything. About my dreams and about taking caregiving course. About the guilt I am carrying and my fear for the people I love. Then after I finished talking she told me that I should not felt guilty in the first place because if anyone would be guilty it would be her. She told me that from Lola up to my Lolo she was not able to be there always because she can’t do the things I’ve done, she doesn’t have the stomach to do it. She would pay for all the fees but she could only visit and check. My mom told me that she was proud of me. She told me that she was sure that I was forgiven. That my Lolo can’t finally rest in peace because he was worried about me. That my Lolo can’t go on with the afterlife because I’m holding him back. Now, I understand it all. Now I am finally free of guilt. My Lolo and I could finally move on. After that dream and talk with my mom, I felt relief and I even don’t have nightmares or dreams about my Lolo wanting me to come with him.

Imagine, I’ve been carrying all those guilt for about 8 years and it affected me so much. I am happier now and I know that my Lolo could finally have his rest in peace with his Creator in heaven.

Operation Trim Down (The First Week Results)

Below is the result I got from that measuring instrument you find at Mercury Drug after a week of working it out on the gym:

Weight: 194 lb 4 oz / 88.5 kg
Height: 5 ft 9.7 in / 177cm
Blood Pressure:
Max Systolic 129 mmHg
Max Diastolic 80 mmHg
Pulse/minute 90
Body Fat Estimation:
Fat Index 22.6%
Fat Mass 44 lb 0 oz / 20.0 kg
Free F. Mass 150 lb 14 oz / 68.5 kg
Age and Gender: 27 male

As you can see I gained about 0.7 kg after one week of struggle in the gym as if I did nothing at all. Well I did cut down on my rice intake from two cups to a cup of rice, it didn't help as much as I expected it would somehow decrease my weight.

My Fat Index, on the other hand, decreases from 23.1% to 22.6% and my Fat Mass decreases by 0.2 kg yet I gained about 0.9 kg on my Free Fat Mass.

My BP is now 129/80 from 113/79, I'm not sure if that's ok but I think it is still between the normal values as stated by the World Health Organization. While my pulse rate is now 90 from 104.

That's the result of my one week work out at the gym for my "Operation Trim Down" plan. I exert a lot of effort yet I can't see any progress. I even joined cardio box, yoga, and hip hop classes just to lose weight fast. Oh, speaking of those classes, at first I was so conscious because I don't know a thing about all of those routines. I don't dance even. But when I think of losing weight I was able to hide my shyness and tried my best to cope up. Cardio box is very difficult for me. It's super fast and most of the time I am having the hard time coping with the routines because I'm not that flexible yet obviously because I have not been physically active for a very long time. After the first class, I thought that I would die. Almost every part of my body is shouting silently at me that they had just experienced torture and exhaustion beyond they could endure. Thanks to the gym management because they are offering free 5 minute massage per visit at the gym. Yoga, on the other hand, is not that hard because I was fortunate to attend the basic yoga class but it is still difficult for me because I can't seem to stretch my limbs and flex my body. But the perspiration I produced during that class amounts to the sweat I produced while running on the treadmill. Yoga is relaxing and it somehow eased the pain cause by lifting all those weights. Hip hop class, I must say, is so much fun. I said earlier that I do not dance but somehow the instructor try to teach you the basics gradually. At a very slow pace at first and then at a normal pace but when it's time to speed up I can no longer follow them hahaha. My body doesn't seem to respond to what my mind is asking it to do. So I did a lot of short cut moves. I had fun all week, I didn't imagine that going to the gym is so much fun. It was so much different from the gyms I used to go to before. Well you see, I did exert a lot of effort just to lose weight. I even cut of my food intake. I even take vitamins and minerals to help me go through all those things that I've been doing inside the gym. Well, It's just one week maybe some improvement will be expected after the second week. Let's see. Operation trim down.

Operation Trim Down

Below is the result I got from that measuring instrument you find at Mercury Drug:

Weight: 193 lb 6 oz / 87.8 kg

Height: 5 ft 9.7 in / 177cm

Blood Pressure:

Max Systolic 113 mmHg

Max Diastolic 79 mmHg

Pulse/minute 104

Body Fat Estimation:

Fat Index 23.1%

Fat Mass 44 lb 14 oz / 20.2 kg

Free F. Mass 148 lb 14 oz / 67.6 kg

Age and Gender: 27 male

With my age and height, the normal weight should be between 62.7 kg to 78.0 kg so I am 9.8 kg overweight. The normal Body Mass Index is between 20 to 24.9 and I am over by 8 kg/m2. My BP is normal while I am over 3.1% on the normal fat index and 3.3 kg above normal fat mass.

Now everyone knows how big I am and I've been complaining about it. I decided now to take a step in reducing my weight and everything else that I need to trim down so I enrolled myself in a gym class. Yesterday was my day one and everything went smoothly and easily at first until I got to the crunches. How hard and painful was the experience for me. I even find it hard to move out the mat after the routine. Before when I am still slim and well-toned, these routines are nothing but a piece of cake but now it was excruciating experience. It's like I am being punished for eating more than I should and just programming all the time. But it's ok, if after all these sacrifices I will see myself glorious it's all worth it.

When I woke up the next morning, I find it hard to move and so hard to get up. My tummy aches. So I rolled down instead until I got myself into the edge of the bed and drop myself slowly to the floor. I never felt this way before. This is a bit too much, don't you think? Well, as what I have said, it's ok. I will get use to this in time.

Probably after a couple of weeks or after a month I will post another report on my progress. Operation trim down. Keep in touch.

P.S.

Any more suggestions on how I am going to succeed? Please feel free to offer suggestions. I'm in need of your help.

Who you?

I've had a huge body transformation, in only a year I gained a whooping 45 lbs. My eating habits are the still the same but I am not as active (physically) as I was before. Work requires a lot of time sitting on my chair either creating programs in java and oracle or writing a report. When I was a bit younger I can eat and do anything I want yet today just climbing up a three story-high building requires a lot of effort for me. I'm having difficulty in breathing and I sweat a lot. There are also a lot of things that I've notice of myself. Like I am always sleepy, I always get tired, I want to eat one meal to another and a couple more of things that I don't usually do. I need to do something about it. Now.

Ever since I started school I am very active in sports and school activities. From elementary all throughout college I was a varsity so you can just imagine how lean I was. Not anynmore. The problem with my body transformation is that I didn't notice it at first. Even if people around me tell me that I'm gaining weight, I refuse to believe them because what I see on the mirror is just the same me. Then there was an activity where I participated in and they took pictures of us, when the pictures were developed I can't believe I was staring at myself in the picture that I am holding. It looks like my shirt's going to rip off anytime soon. My legs are all swoolen like pair of longanisa's fried to perfection. My face is like a ballon that will burst if strike by a needle. It was a reality check for me. Both in my activities and eating habits. "This is so not me," I told myself while holding the picture. It's just like a stranger is staring back right at me in the picture only that I know that it' actually me.

Child Labor

I was going home after watching a movie and it was already 1 am in the morning. Since MRT is no longer having service during that hour, I decided to ride the bus. I was so tired and sleepy because after work I headed straight to the cinema and had to work the next day.

The front side of the bus was already been accupied so I decided to take the sit at the rear. Upon sitting I noticed a girl w/ steamed peanuts (obviously selling them) on the bench opposite mine and she's already past asleep and her peanuts hadn't been sold out yet. Oh my, it's already 1 am in the moring and why she's still here working late when she should have been at home sleeping and preparing for the class the next day.

I felt pity for the child and same time felt ashamed of myself. I pitied her because she has to work hard instead of going to class. It's no her fault to be poor but it's definitely her right to have a descent education. Her parents should be sending them to scholl but won't. Maybe because all members have to work for them to feed their stomachs.

Obviously, like me most of us just close our eyes and pretend we don't see them. Pretend they don't exist. I'm not rich and I'm earning poor pay but I'm lucky enough to have a job and be able to eat. I felt ashamed because I do complain, that why do I have to work so hard for 7 days a week and yet can't earn as much as anyone else, when there a lot of people out there who haven't have the chance to enjoys life simple indulgences.

What can they do when the time they open their eyes they are already like that. That their parents was doing and living the way their forefathers have been doing in the past. Now, do we have to keep on closing our eyes and keep on pretending that issues like this do not happen? That we go on living our lives ignoring these issues?

Don't we know that we all can't move on if a lot of children hasn't been able to be given a chance to education. We were told and been reminded that children are our nation's hope. In this case, what kind of hope do we expect?

Of course we can't help others if we don't help ourselves first but there are alot of us out there who have more that they can ever want. Why not share. A little is better than nothing at all. If our government will not act, do we keep on blaiming them that they've done nothing when you yourself won't help when issues like this happens right before you eyes? Shame on you. To keep your dignity intact, stop complaining and help. Even if it's little and you think it's not enough, it is and it helps.

I just hope that we do extend our hands. If you have spare centavos, donate it instead of throwing them away. Sabi nga nila, kahit konti pero pagdumami lalaki din.